Thursday, July 18, 2013
I can honestly say that this week has been VERY BAD for me. Nobody died, I guess that would make things really bad right?? But for me, it's been bad week upon week upon week for weeks.
My 24 year old son, he is an Iraq Vet. The journey after his return home and his departure from the military has been very trying. He became addicted to drugs and alcohol. He has gone off the edge over the past 2 years. He has mostly kept away from the family until 6 weeks ago he came home to "visit". That visit ended up with him being arrested for drinking and driving under the influence, which led to a hospitalization, which led to him being discharged to a shelter. We tried for the last 6 weeks to care for him but have been unsuccessful. Today we finally reached our breaking point and we took drastic measures. I took my son to the VA hospital and had him admitted to a long term unit for addicts. As they were searching him and his belongings, he was spewing hateful words in every direction, even mine. Here we are all trying to help him and he is lashing out. I feel like a failure as a mother. How did we get to this point?? How did we get to a point to where our own child is spewing hate, being self destructive, attempting to kill himself. What is the cost and why are we paying the price? What did I do wrong? What is the cost of freedom??
I have many questions right now and not enough answers. I'm just in a state of disbelief, shock and quite literally exhausted emotionally, physically and mentally.
Thanks for listening. I just needed to vent...