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RED NECK WEIGHT LOSS


Thursday, July 18, 2013

THERE IS A WONDERFUL ARTICLE ON SPARK ABOUT NOT BEING TOO HEAVY TO EXERCISE. AND THAT GOT ME TO THINKING OF JEFF FOXWORTHY AND HIS RED NECK JOKES AND WHAT HE WOULD SAY ABOUT BEING TOO FAT TO EXERCISE. HERE'S WHAT I THINK HE MIGHT SAY:

IF YOU OWN A KING SIZE BED AND HANG OFF ALL SIDES BY YOURSELF - YOU JUST MIGHT BE TOO FAT TO EXERCISE.

IF YOU GO OUT TO USE THE OUTHOUSE AND YOU ARE BIGGER THAN IT IS - YOU JUST MIGHT BE TOO FAT TO EXERCISE.

IF YOU ARE INTENT ON LIFTING WEIGHTS BUT THE ONLY THING YOU CAN USE IS THE CHEVY ENGINE LAYING IN YOUR YARD- YOU JUST MIGHT BE TOO FAT TO EXERCISE.

IF YOU GO TO DO YOUR LAUNDRY AND ONE SET OF YOUR DRAWERS MAKES A FULL LOAD - YOU JUST MIGHT BE TOO FAT TO EXERCISE.

IF YOU GO TO GET INTO THE PASSENGER SIDE OF YOUR DADDY'S PICK-UP AND THE TRUCK ROLLS ON IT'S SIDE - YOU JUST MIGHT BE TOO FAT TO EXERCISE.

IF YOU ARE WALKING ON THE RAILROAD TRACKS AND COME TO A BRDGE AND IT STARTS TO GIVE WAY BENEATH YOU - YOU JUST MIGHT BE TOO FAT TO EXERCISE.

IF THERE IS A FOREST FIRE IN YOUR AREA AND THE RANGERS APPROACH YOU TO SMOTHER IT - YOU JUST MIGHT BE TOO FAT TO EXERCISE.

IF THE LAST TIME YOU WERE WEIGHED WAS ON THE LOADING DOCK AT THE GRAIN BIN - YOU JUST MIGHT BE TOO FAT TO EXERCISE.

IF YOU LIVE IN THE AREA OF ONE OF THE GREAT LAKES AND YOUR GOING INTO THE WATER CAUSES AN IN-LAND TIDAL WAVE - YOU JUST MIGHT BE TOO FAT TO EXERCISE.

IF YOU HAUL YOUR WEEK'S GROCERIES HOME IN AN 18 WHEELER AND YOU ARE THE ONLY ONE EATING THEM - YOU JUST MIGHT BE TOO FAT TO EXERCISE.

IF YOU GO TO CHURCH ON SUNDAY AND ARE TOLD THE CHOIR LOFT IS OFF LIMITS TO YOU - YOU JUST MIGHT BE TOO FAT TO EXERCISE.

IF YOU DECIDE TO RUN FOR POLITICAL OFFICE AND ARE TOLD THAT YOU ARE BIGGER THAN THE CITY YOU WOULD REPRESENT - YOU JUST MIGHT BE TOO FAT TO EXERCISE.

AND IF BILL ENGVALL ENDED THIS LITTLE SHOW HE WOULD SAY, "AND THERE'S YOUR SIGN"

ERIN
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Member Comments About This Blog Post:
CTUPTON 2/23/2014 7:45PM

    A half year after you wrote this...well..anyway..the jokes are fantastic. I needed some good belly laughs!

chris emoticon Crying from laughing too hard!

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PATTYCAKE17 7/29/2013 10:32AM

    You're an original! and you really made me laugh!! Hope you passed these sound bites* on to the redneck himself! I could form a visual for each line. Isn't that weird??
*I think you could have your next creation there* "You know it's a sound bite if...."
emoticon emoticon

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DSPURLOCK4569 7/21/2013 11:20PM

    I will have to share these with my family they are from West Virginia and my aunt is a nurse, a sarcastic nurse at that she will loves these! As will the rest of my family. Very funny, we need to laugh, and we need to find the humor within ourselves. Thanks for the smile.

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IMREITE 7/21/2013 1:32AM

    funny.

if the instructor says touch your toes and you dont have to stand up because your arm flab is already touching them, you may be to fat to excercise.

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NANCYPAT1 7/19/2013 12:55AM

    Too funny. I loved it.

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JILL313 7/18/2013 10:42PM

    OMG You're so funny Erin!! I was laughing at each and every one. You are so clever and have a great way of expressing these funny Red Neck Too Fat to Exercise Funnies!! Thank you for sharing these. It's always more healthy to laugh than cry. Keep hanging in and try to move forward.

Hugs & Love,

Jill emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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BELDONDOG1 7/18/2013 9:12PM

    Thanks for sharing! Gee, I think I was just given my sign! lol (hugs) noel

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RURAL3 7/18/2013 12:09PM

    you are too funny emoticon

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GRANPATTIE 7/18/2013 11:52AM

    Thanks for the laughs! emoticon

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ROBBIEY 7/18/2013 11:47AM

  I am still laughing at your jokes. Thanks for the amusement!!! emoticon

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CAROL494 7/18/2013 11:38AM

  emoticon

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