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Cleaning Out My Drawers

Thursday, July 18, 2013

Since Du has had a catheter since early February, he has been wearing sweat pants instead of jeans. I bought him some new sweatpants after a month or so, realizing, the two pairs of sweat pants he owned would not be adequate. We have my "hope chest" sitting at the end of our bed, and because there was no room in his chest-of-drawers, we had his pile of sweat pants laying on that chest.

Just last week, I remembered that there was a drawer in that chest-of-drawers that was full of old socks. Or at least I thought that was all that was in there. I decided I should clean out that drawer, since they were MY old socks, and then I would have room for those sweatpants. This morning I got this small task done, but was I ever surprised to see what I found in that "sock" drawer.

I found this old swimming suit first. It's not the one I wore when I was at my heaviest. And I never wore any suit out in public, these swimming suits were strictly worn at home in our old above-the-ground pool in the backyard. This black suit is a 24, I bought it in the summer of 2010 when I still weighed well over 200 lbs. At my heaviest, I was wearing a 36, which is as big as anything came. That used to worry me. I thought to myself, "Where will I go from here....if I no longer fit into the BIGGEST size they make?"




(Just found this picture. Obviously I did wear this suit in public at least once. We were celebrating our 40th wedding anniversary with a few days at a state park. How brave was I?)

The other suit is the one I wear now, it exposes way too much of my upper arm bat wings and all the excess skin on my upper legs too, but it fits, and it's a size 12! I still rarely wear a swimming suit in public, but it's more likely to happen now than before.

Then I found an old pair of undies. I probably shouldn't post this picture, but I couldn't resist. I can't remember what size either of these pairs of undies are, since undies are sized so weirdly, but I do know the white "before" undies were the biggest size I could order from Lane Bryant's catalog!



But my last discovery was probably the most telling of how much I hated being morbidly obese, and how humiliated I was at what I had let myself become.




It is a seat belt extender. I stole it from the plane the last time I flew and needed one. Obviously this was before 9/11, because I know there's no way you could get through security today, with that metal extender in your purse. I just knew it was beyond humiliating to have to ask the flight attendant for that extender and I thought if I could avoid that embarrassment again--I would steal that extender and bring it with me next time. It's probably a federal crime--so don't tell anybody what I did.

It's funny what old drawers can tell us. I'm never going back there.....NEVER!
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