Thursday, July 18, 2013
January 2010: I found Sparkpeople and I knew it was going to help me loose the weight I've been wanting to rid myself of. I really was proud of the 17 lbs I lost that year.
A cruise near Christmas time caused a stall and an eventual tailspin of my efforts, and I went back to battling weight.
So I proved that I could do it. But it took a lot of time, time that was spent in the coming years on my kids, and on aging parents, and on life in general. So, having the "gist" of what I needed to do to lose weight again in my head, I arrogantly carried on, yo-yoing a few pounds up - and a few pounds down, ever since.
Never got to where I wanted to be.
In the meantime, I know of 2 people that have lost 20-45 lbs, and are looking and feeling great. I only really need to lose 25. So what's wrong with me?
I'm stuck on my own merry-go-round....Spinning in circles, trying to make good choices for my family and take care of the household and work a couple of days a week. I still KNOW right from wrong, but find myself simply not tracking anything anymore, and obviously my portion sizes along with my "oh-- that's soo good, and I rarely get to have this" mentality that is keeping me from getting rid of any more weight, and sometimes helping me put it on.
Exercise too -- used to compete with myself. Not anymore. I go to the gym when it's convenient -- sometimes once a week, and sometimes not at all. Excuses are a dime a dozen -- especially now that my daughter has a heel injury so even 20 minutes of walking causes her pain. Can't say -- oh, lets go for a nice long walk or hike. And swimming, of course is so much less convenient, though I love it -- and biking -- well -- lets just say that I seem to have issues not falling off!
But I'm starting to really get bogged down.
I'm not happy with myself.
And worse than that -- My husband is getting rather frustrated with me. Yeah, I know -- he should love me the way I am. But there are other things that make us a couple that routinely clash (26 years worth -- 19 post marriage) and I am really sure now that he doesn't find me attractive at all anymore. Besides the point that I have very little physical desire....no need to go into details here - you all know what I mean.
For years I've been holding off buying clothes that I really wanna wear because I keep thinking I will fit into a smaller size "next season for sure", and of course that doesn't happen either.
Here I am. I've had tons of stuff going on lately -- emotionally and physically draining -and am really unhappy.
I need to change that. So I am reaching back to spark, -- because I know it is such a great tool and such great support -- which, considering I don't have a lot of friends - especially nearby - is really important to me and to my success.
I've dissapeared from Sparkpeople for quite long stretches at a time, and some of my Sparkfriends that meant the most to me I have completely fallen out of touch with. If you're reading this (especially HEATHER1969, OTTAWABOUND, AND ANREAL89) -- I'm sorry.
I am going to try to reach really deep to get this body moving and keep the portions down -- and try to eat fewer carbs, while I'm at it.....