Wednesday, July 17, 2013
So, in January I ordered a bridesmaid dress for one of my best friend's August wedding. I had over 7 months to meet my goal. Given my persistent and optimistic attitude and the drive that January 1st brings to so many of us, I decided to order my dress a few sizes too small. I was positive I would reach my goal weight. I'd had enough and nothing was holding me back. I was focused. Driven. Unstoppable.
I was wrong. KIND OF. I am not going to reach my goal weight before the wedding, but I have lost a lot of weight and I'm maintaining a healthy lifestyle. And the darn dress does not and will not fit by August 17th. It's not bad in the waist area but I'll never lose enough inches in the bust by then.
Lucky for me, another bridesmaid (who was pregnant at the time) ordered her dress a size larger...and now her's is too big. (B!t*h!) J/K. So we traded. The larger dress fits me perfectly. And with 5 more weeks to go, I have some time to lose a bit more weight and may even need it taken it a little bit. Maybe.
While I'm so relieved to have a beautiful dress that fits me for my friends wedding, I'm having some mixed feelings about this tonight.
I don't have the stress of needing to order a new dress in time for the wedding or hoping and praying that I can squeeze myself uncomfortably into a dress. That is SUCH a relief! But I hate that I needed the large dress. I hate that it doesn't need to be taken in. I hate that I'm not closer to my goal weight.
Mostly I'm thankful though. I may not be a size 4, like most of the other bridesmaids...but that's ok. I'll only be standing lined up next to them for one day. What's most important is that I never gave up. I've had my ups and downs with my eating habits this year, but mostly I've really improved on my consistency. And it has paid off. I'm losing weight. I'm exercising and I'm eating healthy most of the time. I'm setting a healthy balanced example for my children.
Also, my friend is not shallow. She does not care what size I am. She's one of the best friends I've ever had in my life and I'm honored that I get to be a part of her big day. These insecurities are mine alone (they have nothing to do with her). But I'm dealing with them, acknowledging them, and growing. I'm getting a deeper understanding that while I love fitness and I aspire to be more fit than I am at the present moment, it does not define me. I am more than number on the scale, the flatness of my belly, or circumference of my waist. In fact, I think I'm going to cut the size out of that dress. It doesn't matter. It's a beautiful dress and I'm going to rock it.