Wednesday, July 17, 2013
It has been some days since I last blogged. I have been sad. I learned that my fiance had been talking with his ex again. Some might think no biggy right. Well I was going to think no biggy but it quickly changed to something else, not sure for a good word to call it right now. But he had told her that he wishes that he had brought her the roses he was going to bring her instead of reconnecting with me after a fewyears of lost connection. That he wished he was with her because he would still have a super high pay job and all the things he would ever want he could get and not have to think about finances. And if he were with her he would be in CT still. I guess one good word to describe how I feel is depression. We had finally decided a date or at least month when we are going to get married. But if he is telling this to her and all, maybe I should call it off. Depression equals high stress and stress tends to lead to weight gained back on. I gained the last twenty five pounds I had lost all back. However in the last day or two I have lost that same twenty five again and another twenty on top of it. So now I am down to 220 pounds for my current weight. I confronted him about it and he blew up on me. He said he needed to talk to someone and blow off some steam aka vent to someone. Why cant he just talk to me? I understand needing to talk to someone but an ex that was almost a fiance at one point is not the one to run to in my opinion. I was supposed to have my first dress try on or looking this saturday, which I would be doing alone. I have no family here and only a couple friends but they work some strange hours. Anyway, I have called and cancelled to reschedule at a later time and date. I didnt have doubt in my mind about this getting married but after learning what I have about the way he talks to her/with her I have to stop myself and think twice. I dont want to end up in an unhappy and miserable marriage like my mother and only try to stick it out because we have kids. I understand that we should try AGAIN to work through stuff but if it always has him going running to her then idk what to do. I will only ever get married one time and then if (god forbid) it didnt work I would not remarry. Wow, this got long fast. Well I have to take my 5 year old to his therapies now. He has global aphasia which he was born with but was only just recently diagnosed with. His biological father had thrown me down a flight of concrete stairs while i was pregnant with him, resulting in the Global Aphasia. I will check back with you all later. Hope everyone is having a good wednesday and keeps chugging along.