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    AMANDANCES   33,457
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I don't even recognize myself any more!


Wednesday, July 17, 2013

In the mirror, I'm basically the same: a little smaller in some areas, a little more defined in other areas. Hair is still a flyaway disaster tucked up in a ponytail; and my arms, chest, and face aren't NEARLY as pale as they were before I started going outside every day. But that's all on the surface. What I don't really recognize is the person inside.

I've been a dancer my whole life, but I never really considered that to mean an "athlete." Although I haven't ever really been "the fat kid" I was always last to be picked at sports as a child, and I never bothered to cultivate a physical skill other than dancing. I never bothered with weight training because what did I need to lift, you know?

Something happened between February of 2011 (when I got pregnant) and today. My baby boy was born healthy and happy, and is a tremendous source of joy and pride for me -- and also a tremendous responsibility: as his role model, I want to set the best example I can, and raise him in the healthiest and most positive lifestyle that I can. I want him to look up to me with pride. I want him to believe that he really CAN do what he sets his heart out to do.

I never believed that myself. I would start a project, and abandon it a few weeks or months later when it wasn't "perfect." I started many thing but finished very few. I lacked confidence. I was afraid not only of failure but of success. And I was lazy -- I didn't really want to do the work involved with an activity, but wanted to consider myself good at or a success with that activity. So when I didn't do the work, I failed, and I felt bad about myself. I also wanted everything RIGHT NOW, and if it couldn't be done in a weekend, well then just forget it!

Maybe it was rejoining Sparkpeople, or maybe it was the birth of my son, or maybe all and none of it, but something has changed in me. I am a lot more patient, not only with other people but also with myself. Somehow I managed to get myself organized and on a schedule. (Granted, my "day job" is pretty sweet with lots of flexibility, but that could be going away soon, and I need to get used to the idea that nothing gold can stay, but that's a post for another day.)

The mirror reflects back to me a person who is lifting weights daily. Who is that??? Whose biceps and calves are those??? Really? Mine? Wow. The reflected me is a RUNNER, for heaven's sake! Where did she come from? I HATED running in school! And now I do it for fun. Imagine that!

I'm signed up for our city's series of 3 races -- a 5K, a 10K, and our Half Marathon. I'll be running the 5, and run/walking the others. Who could ever have guessed that the person in the mirror with the too-long bangs and now-brown face would ever actually run a race?

Studying for this ACE test is one of the hardest things I've done in my life. I'm out of practice studying, since I've been out of school for so long. But I press on, and I WILL do it, will take the test and pass it. Why? Because I'm RUNNING A FREAKING 5K in three weeks, and if I can do THAT, I can pass a test.

I've lost a little over 11 pounds of fat, and I'm down 2 jeans sizes (almost 3.) If I can do THAT, I can pass a test. I gave birth to my son with no pain-killers, and I'm running and walking in the heat 6 days a week -- pushing on because I CAN, and not because I'm being chased by jaguars. If I can do THAT, I can pass a test.

Wait, who said that? Was that me?? Wow.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post:
LITTLEST-CORGI 7/18/2013 7:19PM

    I'm inspired! emoticon

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SPARKLINGHOPE 7/18/2013 9:30AM

    emoticon

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FAVALL 7/17/2013 4:36PM

    You set the goals and have achieved them over the last 2 years. You are contining that pattern in the months ahead. Go Girl!

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TECH1960PS 7/17/2013 1:48PM

    emoticon

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RUNNINGAL425 7/17/2013 1:21PM

    Yep, you said that!

You have made such great progress!! Congratulations!!

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FOREVER27 7/17/2013 12:26PM

    emoticon

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MSFRANKI1 7/17/2013 12:24PM

  Great blog! I'm probably older than your Mom, but I can relate. Just over a month ago, my hubs and I started Line Dancing. It was so embarrasing at first. Neither one of us has any kind of dance background whatsoever~ not even remotely, so something as simple as Line Dancing was and is a challenge. But, we keep showing up twice a week and doing the work, and wow does that pay off. When I was in my early 20's and had a very flat belly, I took belly dancing~ all of "twice"~ because I thought I was no good at it. HELLO........I didn't TRY......now I get it. You are so smart and so wise to get it so soon...and what a great role model you are for your son. Plant a big emoticon on his cheek from this Grammy and emoticon

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DOLLYHOLLY 7/17/2013 12:08PM

    emoticon emoticon Sound like a winner to me.

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RAZRBKMOM 7/17/2013 12:01PM

    GOOD FOR YOU!!! You are doing it!! and what's more, you are being a inspiration to me! I too can relate to "I didn't really want to do the work involved with an activity, but wanted to consider myself good at or a success with that activity. So when I didn't do the work, I failed, and I felt bad about myself. I also wanted everything RIGHT NOW, and if it couldn't be done in a weekend, well then just forget it!" Sounds just like ME. I am working hard on changing that, but I have always liked that instant gratification!! And if I fail, then it was a personal failure....I am just fixing to do my first 5k...running/walking, (yes I realize I will walk far more than I will run) but I am determined to do it and not finish last!!! SO to you, KEEP IT UP!!! YOU ARE AWESOME!! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon


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FIRE-SPINNER 7/17/2013 11:35AM

    That is awesome and inspiring! Keep it up!
emoticon W00T! emoticon

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GETULLY 7/17/2013 11:34AM

    Good on You! What a great post! Thanks - You Inspire!

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COOP9002 7/17/2013 11:33AM

    Awesome job! It's great to hear that you are so enthused by your progress. Sounds like your efforts have paid off.

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LJCANNON 7/17/2013 11:28AM

    emoticon What a WONDERFUL Blog!! Did you notice that almost NONE of the Major Successes that you mentioned can be measured on a Bathroom Scale?!! And yet they mean So Much to Improving Your Quality of Life and to setting a Great Example for your (Very Lucky!!) Son?
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