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Tiger stripes

Wednesday, July 17, 2013

My body confidence is the best it's been for as long as I can remember. Possibly the best it's been in my whole life.

I realised that I find my pear shape infinitely more attractive than the straight up and down I used to think I wanted.

I love that my tiny chest means I can walk into most stores knowing they'll have my bra size, and I don't have to go to expensive speciality stores to find one big enough. I also love that my bridesmaid's dress fits me just right whereas the other two bridesmaids (both DDs) are going to have to be very careful about leaning forward in their dresses, if you know what I mean..

I have always loved my eyes and now they're accentuated by my lovely emerging cheekbones.

My body is strong and flexible and somehow, against every belief I held, capable of running for prolonged periods. I am awesome!

But I hate my tiger stripes.

I try telling myself I'm proud that they're now silver instead of red because of all my hard work. I try telling myself it doesn't matter because nobody else can see most of them, and nobody has ever commented on the obvious upper arm ones.

But it doesn't work. Because the truth is, I'm ashamed. I'm ashamed that I ever let myself get so fat that it started bursting my skin. I'm ashamed that I spent what should have been the best years of my life paralysed with the fear of what everyone would think of The Fat Kid. That it took me nearly 24 years to realise that my body deserves good food and hard exercise.

And they make me ashamed that I still sometimes do the exact same things and put the exact same junk in my mouth that caused my tiger stripes in the first place.

I guess it's something I'll just have to keep working on, because they're certainly not going anywhere.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Your tiger stripes are a reminder that yes, you have a past, but you were strong enough to overcome it.
    1702 days ago
    My best friend lost a lot of extra weight in a short period so she has the same issues with you. I'll tell you what I tell to her:
    These stripes are your war scars; wear them proudly because you were in a dark place and you came back stronger than before!

    1707 days ago
    It is so easy to hard on yourself. I understand the feelings of disappointment with choices I have made in the past. I do go on but the nagging feeling of regret pops up. But the past cannot be undone, and there are good choices in your future.
    1707 days ago
    I totally know the feeling, and I guess we just have to accept them, and move on, I guess. I wish I didn't spend so many years overweight also!

    Big emoticon
    1708 days ago
    1708 days ago
    You are beautiful inside and out. You've come a long way and accomplished so much. When you are feeling blue the tiger stripes will be a reminder of where you were and where you don't ever want to go again. Let them be your incentive.

    1708 days ago
    I was always told to wear them like trophies. You've acheived something great and just think of how far you've come.
    1708 days ago
  • NEEDBU66
    The fact that you lost the weight, when you could have just stayed the fat kid, or become the really fat lady, is what you need to concentrate on. Call them learning curves.....
    1709 days ago
    Maybe you could do a bit more research on stretch marks, because I am by no means an expert -- but I'm pretty sure they are actually caused by hormonal changes that affect the appearance of the skin. That's why so many women get them during pregnancy. It's not the weight gain; it's the hormones!! A lot of people also get them when they are teenagers because ... puberty and body changes and stuff.

    Anyway, it sounds like you are blaming yourself as if there was something you could have done differently. But it's just something that happens to some people in some circumstances. Like getting freckles instead of a tan. You could have done exactly the same thing as you think caused the marks and if you had a different genetic makeup, you would not have those marks.

    (I know it's possible to understand that freckles are not your fault, and still hate having them. I just hope you are not blaming yourself for something that you have no control over whether it happens or not.)
    1709 days ago
    You inspire me too.

    I get what you're saying, I hate my stretch marks too. Sure, they're my badges of honor -whatev. But you know what? I now try to see them also as a reminder of what would happen if I ever let myself go like that again. So... NEVER AGAIN, no sir, no way!

    1709 days ago
    I have stripes too (all from being fat, never been pregnant)... strangely enough, they don't bother me, even though other people can see the ones on my thighs if I wear a swimsuit. I guess I don't mind having a silvery tiger print! emoticon
    1709 days ago
    I once read somewhere that the Tiger Stripes are Badges of Honor for Courage. I mean, look what you've accomplished! I know starting over again for me means I have to dig down and be brave and move forward one day at a time and ignore my fear of failure.

    You found the courage to make a huge positive change in your life. They're your Badges of Honor emoticon

    It's all about progress, not perfection and you've worked hard to get where you are! You certainly inspire me! emoticon
    1709 days ago
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