Off The Track
Wednesday, July 17, 2013
As I write this I am buzzed with a few drinks.
Yes, I fell off the track. I hit a major pateau, got really sick, dealt with stress at work, things started falling apart at my house (things like black mold, overgrown trees, broken ovens, fiances with pneumonia) and I started eating and drinking like I used to.
I have only gained 5 lbs back but I feel like a traitor to all I have been trying to do.
My doctor JUST took me off my blood pressure meds but upped my dose of Lexapro because of depression due to workplace bullying, I am cleared to get my transfer to another store as of July 23rd and people are saying how I look good having lost so much weight...
SOOOO. Why am I sliding back into old patterns?!!!!
Is it because a little birdy told me my coworkers hate I am losing weight and are trying to antagonize me by ordering tempting food? I knew this already.
Is it because without food and alcohol I have to finally face my demons once and for all?
Is it because as I watch my fiance scarf down mashed potatoes by the vat I just want to be free to eat as I once did? Yet, here he sits, heavier than he has ever been himself.
Why is this a lifelong struggle and how can I get back on track?