Tuesday, July 16, 2013
Ugh. This isn't my first time at the rodeo, I keep coming back to the starting line, trying (seemingly in vain) to lose the weight I desperately need to lose.
I am 42 years and 5.5 months old as of today, I am married without children, and I am struggling. Mentally and Physically.
Dealing with depression and anxiety (finally got some medication today, hopefully in a few weeks or so I'll start to feel it kick in), but the biggest obstacle I have right now is physical. My knees are so bad that they are swollen constantly, as are my calves/shins, ankles and feet; they are sore and burning from being so swollen all the time. I'm hoping X-rays and some blood work will rule out anything major (my fear is congestive heart failure), my blood pressure is high which is something I've never had to deal with before.
It seems that my body has given up on me ever losing weight and succumbing to the 'traditional' weight-related illnesses...though, I've managed to elude diabetes (for now).
It makes me sad and worried and scared to death that I may not be able to lose the weight and it will kill me. If I had health insurance I would get gastric bypass (assuming they would operate on someone who may or may not have a heart condition *sigh*).
This sucks. I'm struggling.