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90 The gremlin within....

Tuesday, July 16, 2013

Ever wake up, go through your morning wake up routine and become filled with negative thoughts. You look in the mirror and all you see is the double chin, or your arms waving back at you. You think you are doomed to be fat for life. You think everything you are doing isn't working, no matter how hard you work. Yep, that was me this morning. HE was BACK.

For me it is that crazy, overly critical gremlin that lives somewhere inside - just spinning in his wheel cranking out little digs at me non stop. I swear he must have been lifting weights. All the time I was being unhealthy with my eating and exercise, he was bulking up. He is armed and ready to take this new, healthier version of me out!

He usually shows up when I have eaten too many calories, or skipped a workout, or when I am feeling low.

A little voice of reason whispers, but you are walking more. You are eating healthier. You ARE healthier. You have more energy. --- and then the gremlin shoots it down with the thought that no matter what you do, or how hard you try, you will NEVER, EVER ...... look in the mirror. The fat is still there. It will NEVER leave. You will always be the big girl - you will never be the fit girl.

You smile and encourage that little voice, but the gremlin is still sputtering away. Go ahead, have that donut, no one would ever notice one more donut on plus sized you. You know you want it. Wash it down with a soda, too.


Well, this is what I have learned. Gremlins are nothing but mean. Before I let that gremlin keep pummeling me all day long and get caught up in that guilt and shame spiral, I grab him by the back of the neck and get him out into the light. Gremlins hate light. Gremlins hate other people seeing them for what they are.

I called a friend and told her what I was thinking - of my arms waving back at me, my chin disappearing in rolls of too many carbs; of my walks in this hot, humid weather with me sweating through all my clothes, my not quitting and walking even if it was hot because I am committed to myself. Sniffle, sniffle, I was almost ready to break out into a sob - and then she started laughing. As if the mirror wasn't bad enough, my good friend was laughing at me.

Funny thing - then I started laughing. How ridiculous. You see when I bring my negative thoughts out into the light, they usually die quickly. In fact when she started laughing. I took a breath and the words I said to her suddenly sounded absolutely absurd.

I am eating better. I am working out more. I have more energy. I have pants I can take off without unbuttoning or unzipping them. Even Mr Scale, my constant critic, has confirmed that this is working. Mr Fitbit testifies to the work I put in. He even tells me I rock. SOOOOOO

BE GONE YOU GREMLIN! I don't have any place for a meanie like you in my life. You are not going to convince me that I cannot do this because I AM DOING THIS. So please be quiet and keep your thoughts to yourself. If you refuse to go, I will tell my friends and we will have a few laughs at your expense.

I am not perfect. I eat things I shouldn't. I won't lie, I even enjoy eating them at times. It doesn't mean I am a failure, or I cant reach my goals.

Success isn't achieved by being perfect - its achieved by being able to admit you messed up and move on.

So Mr Gremlin, if you aren't leaving, I'm moving on. I'm going for a walk, out in this heat. So there!

Shine on, little sparkly voice inside. Shine on.

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