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The battle...

Tuesday, July 16, 2013

Why is everything a battle? I really wish I could figure it out. I had a great spark friend, TRENTDREAMER, post a blog today that really resonated with me. He talked about positive thinking vs. being positive. Specifically, he said "If you are trapped in the "think 'positively'" mentality but are being held back by something that has always hindered you (you what it is), address the hindrance. I beg you. Until you do that, all of the "positive thinking" in the world will keep bringing you down when the hindrance keeps holding you back."

Here's the link in case you want to check it out:

So, this got me thinking. I am trapped. I am being held back from reaching my goals. The question is by what? I have thought it was work. I have thought it was sweets. I have thought it was eating out. I have thought it was not being able to workout like I want to because of my knee. Really, I don't know WHAT it is. I really don't. It is a mental thing. I need to really focus on what it could be that is holding me back and grasp it.

I'm back up to 150lbs after a weekend binge with family. Yep, you read it right, binge. I ate so much CRAP. Chips, cookies, ice cream - all the things that I feel I deprive myself of. But in reality, I don't deprive myself. I do eat these things in moderation so what is it.

I've been reading some articles recently about the spike in dopamine when you eat sweets and I wonder, maybe, just maybe, that is what it is. I wonder if there is something to this. Check out this article. What do you think? Could it be that this is what is holding me back?

Well, gotta run for now. I just wanted to get out what I was thinking right now or otherwise I might forget. emoticon


Member Comments About This Blog Post:
WHITNEYLD 7/17/2013 2:01PM

    Overeating is an addiction, and food is the drug. It is impossible to not eat, so we have to temper our addiction with moderation. But maybe it doesn't always work to keep some things in our life that we continue to struggle with for the sake of "all things in moderation." It might be better to try and avoid those things we often lose control with, even though it seems like we could still enjoy those things in moderation. Think of it like a cocaine addict. It would be hard for someone to use cocaine in moderation once addicted. Perhaps they could moderate their usage for a time but eventually, they would have a "binge" and then could spiral back down into full-blown addiction. I don't know; I think I need to avoid certain things all together in order to avoid an eventual binge. It always seems to happen; portion sizes creep up gradually or I just one day go on a full-on binge.

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    As always, your blogs completely resonate with me and I always understand where you're coming from because I feel the exact same way and am tired of this "battle" too! Only problem is, since I'm in the same boat I am terrible at advice :-/ But, I hope that at least knowing I'm there with you helps because it makes me feel better knowing I'm not alone in this.

I read both of the links-- The Dopamine article was interesting and this line sounds just like me: "If you pay close attention, your body will give you specific clues that let you know you’re low. If you make a late-night trip to the fridge or pantry at least twice weekly, find yourself eating even when you are really full, or feel irritable and tired when you try to cut down on your favorite foods, you might be low dopamine. "

Going to Trentdreamer's blog, I am slowly learning what is holding me back and I do agree it can be multiple things.

For a long time I blamed my parents and living situation on stalling my weight loss. As you know, my mom loves to go out to eat and stocks the house with TONS of tempting junk food. It was an easy scapegoat to think that I am only human and fall to the temptations day after day.

Well, now that I've been on my own for a month it hasn't been as easy as I had envisioned. I like feeling that I am in control for what I bring into the house and I like cooking healthy meals, but it's still not easy and I have actually gained weight since moving out due to the yummy restaurants and icecream shop right down the street. Ugh. I am hoping that the newness of all the cool new places and yummy icecream will wear off (plus I can't afford to be going out as much now that I have more bills) and that things will get easier. But I'm realizing how much I actually DO enjoy going out to eat and how hard it is to stop eating when I'm full and EVERY night I wonder in the kitchen looking for something sweet or something to snack on. I know nighttime eating is probably my worst habit for sure and I'm working on it but it's a very hard HABIT to break.

This is going to be an epic long comment, but I just wanted to share something that I have discovered recently and has helped me. A lot of the time I eat too much or something that I know I shouldn't and then I beat myself up about it. As much as I try not to, it's hard not to! Well I started taking some of the blame off of myself and realizing that everything I do is pretty much just a habit. And habits are HARD to break!

I realized how hard habits are to break by something unrelated to food. About 6 months ago I decided it was a pain to have to go through all of my clothes in my closet to find empty hangers. Instead, I decided to each day pull the clothes I was going to wear off of the hangers and put them together on the right side of my closet. That way, when I needed empty hangers they would all be together on the right side for me to just grab. Sounds simple enough, right? (And most people probably do this already, but I used to just leave them where they were) Anyways, this habit, as simple as it seems, took me MONTHS to break. I kept just pulling the shirts off the hanger and forgetting to move the hanger. I was really surprised how hard this simple habit was to break, and I even found myself relapsing and would find empty hangers throughout my clothes. So- this got me thinking. If a stupid, dumb, and simple habit such as this is that hard to break then I really should be more kind to myself when I beat myself up for things I have been doing my entire life. When I go to the kitchen after dinner for something sweet, that's because I've done it my whole life! When I grab a bag of pretzels to eat and end up eating too much instead of measuring out a portion, well that's because I've always just been allowed to grab the whole bag or box of a snack food and would zone out while watching TV or on the computer and eat it until there were none left. These are 20+ year habits in the making and so they will take a long time to break.

Ok, sorry for the long tangent. It probably sounds like common sense but I guess the thing that helped me is to realize I'm not a bad person with no willpower. It's just a habit and I don't beat myself up about the hangers so there's no reason to beat myself up if I have a relapse with food.

It's obviously a work in progress... Anyways, thanks for sharing and I know we WILL get there together someday. And even when we get to our goals it won't be the end. There will be more challenges. It's hard to maintain too. But we can do it, one decision at a time. Make your next decision a healthy one and I will too (Like right now, actually. I'm done with dinner and keeping myself away from the kitchen. Gonna go grab my floss infact!) Hugs to you, good friend! So glad to have you so we can fight our battles together :)

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DYNAMICDEB53 7/16/2013 6:37PM

    I have to agree we do need to find what is holding us back, but it can be not just one thing, but a couple somehow linked together. I have tried to focus on one thing at a time and deal with that and then see what happens.
I know for a long time my biggest thing was FEAR, I was afraid of who I would be once I really started losing weight, would I change someone as I had seen my mother change and that scared me to death. In time I came to see that I am me and not her. I have lost a lot of weight and wow I am still me only happier. I still struggle at times with nutty thoughts about weight loss, but I keep trying new things and learning more. I think that you are doing that now and will find what you need to make this journey better for you.
Its the journey and the learning that will really help as time goes on and for the rest of your life.
Just don't give up.


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TRENTDREAMER 7/16/2013 2:43PM

    When I read " I had a great spark friend, TRENTDREAMER..." I got concerned for a second. I read on though.

There was one part of my life that I had to deal with by really digging in and questioning some thoughts/beliefs/creeds/self-identi
ties that I not only once considered to be good, but inherently who I was. It was a mindset that I never dared question and defended from anyone else criticizing (though some honest friends tried).

One day when I started putting this set of beliefs against the actual beliefs itself and what they promised, the scales came off my eyes and I became free from it. It was not only self-defeating, but it called itself the key to victory. It wasn't.

That's just an example. I'm saying dig deeper. It may be the case that a metaphorical friend or sustainor may actually be what's holding you down.

I dunno.

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