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PIXIE-LICIOUS
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The Monkey On Your Back

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Tuesday, July 16, 2013



Have you ever heard the phrase "I've got a monkey on my back"? It refers to a problem or addiction that you are really struggling with. The monkey on MY back was binge eating. A little over a year ago, I really fought against it. I was at the highest weight of my life, 286 lbs. Every morning, I would wake up and promise myself that I would get that monkey off my back. I swore that I would not binge eat. Sometimes I would be able to keep that promise all day long, only to give in at night. Other times, I wouldn't even make it until breakfast before I'd binge.

I wanted to change so badly! I knew I had to do SOMETHING in order to lose all the weight, or else I'd be dead in a few years. I've said this before but I'll say it again...I really was killing myself with the extra weight, the sedentary lifestyle, and all the junk food I was stuffing myself with. It was fear of an early grave that finally got me to start taking care of my health, and trying to get that monkey off my back.



It was on March 1, 2012 that I finally got myself on track, and since then I've lost a lot of weight (71 lbs so far) and I've gained health, strength, endurance and flexibility. I've also gained confidence and self esteem. I am my own hero, because I am saving myself from myself.

But one thing I've learned is this;

“You can get the monkey off your back, but the circus never leaves town.”
-Anne Lamott

What does that mean? Well, to me it means that although I have fought a good fight, there are times when I lose a round. I have not been perfect on my journey, and I know I never will be. Sometimes I go completely off track. Yesterday was one of those days. I'm stressing over things, and yesterday it just totally got to me. I ended up having a pretty huge binge. Afterwards, I was so disappointed in myself. But you know what? That binge wasn't a failure. It was a lesson. It was an occurrence. It happened, but just because it happened doesn't mean that I have to keep on letting it happen. Today is a new day and even though the circus will always be in town, I don't have to let that monkey hop on my back and take up permanent residence. I can (and I will) fight against it.



I will keep going, and as long as I have more good days than bad ones, I know I will make progress!






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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • TREV1964
    Great blog Pixie,

    You sound in this blog like you have come from a very similar place that I have come from. We also started on March 1st the difference is you starting a year before me.

    Feeling like you did not have a choice, diet and live or stay put and die - is exactly where I felt I was earlier this year. Nice to know I am not on my own in this journey.

    Cheers

    Trev
    1169 days ago
  • JAMER123
    Wonderful and positive attitude!! So inspiring to others. Even as we fall, we can pick ourselves up and continue where we were! We have to forgive ourselves for every fall. They happen!!
    Thanks for a great blog!!
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    1169 days ago
  • 2016ISTHEYEAR
    You have a great attitude! None of us are perfect. Good for you for not having the "all or nothing" attitude. And for holding yourself accountable. I know you"ll be going all the way.
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    1169 days ago
  • GINA180847
    I like it that one slip does not define us. My not so good thinking goes like this...I deserve to eat those good foods like other people...........tomorrow is another day. This is true and I am excellent about exercising. I lost a total of 26 lbs. and need to lose another 20. It is slow but it is happening. Strange things happens when I lose I tend to eat a little bit crazier for a while till it feels normal to be a little smaller that is. What can I say?
    1169 days ago
  • WILDKAT781
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    1169 days ago
  • MSGRANNYMAE
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    1169 days ago
  • AUTUMNHOPE
    Pixie ! Are you sure we aren't living in parallel universes ? ! emoticon

    First Autism, then being widows, now binge eating ! emoticon emoticon

    Boy your blog spoke to me . A big emoticon for writing it. I admire your outlook & the way you handled it. You are a good example.

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    My nemesis is binge eating. I mirror the statements of your actions in the past. I could be down easily in the 180's if I didn't gain & lose the same 5lbs. from bingeing
    I really was struggling the other day trying to figure how & if I will beat this.

    I LOVED the quote about each morning we are born again. Great one !

    Thanks for taking the time to share & be such an inspiration even though your load in life is SO heavy. God bless
    1169 days ago

    Comment edited on: 7/16/2013 7:55:35 PM
  • SNOWYOGA
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    1169 days ago
  • KMICHA
    Awesome!!!! You keep hanging in there . . . some days that monkey is more persistent and tricky but you can get him off you back!!!
    1169 days ago
  • APACHESTEVE
    This is a good read especially for someone like me who is battling the same thing with food binges. You hit the nail on the head, one binge does not define us. Here is what I am attempting to learn: I'm working on learning to love me and to accept me, will this help reduce the number of binges. To me the binges are a self soothing coping mechanism, but I believe as I learn to love and accept me I'll not need the coping? Live and learn! Thank you again for sharing.
    1169 days ago
  • LUVSBULLDOGS
    It's work to lose weight and persistence pays off. Glad you aren't letting a set back be a major obstacle in your life.
    1169 days ago
  • SUNNYWBL
    As long as you continue to climb back on that horse your journey will be successful!


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    1169 days ago
  • LINDAK25
    It's great that you have a plan of action in place. Never give up.
    1169 days ago
  • SUBARU4BRAVES
    Wonderful!!! And, I think the most important thing is to NEVER judge your self-worth by the food you eat.

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    1169 days ago
  • 4RASCALS
    Very well said. Each day is a new beginning, and a new learning experience. As long as we continue to pick ourselves up, and continue forward, that is what's important.

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    1169 days ago
  • COCK-ROBIN
    Thank you. I really needed that.
    1169 days ago
  • MY1FAN
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    1169 days ago
  • AJDOVER1
    So THAT explains why I keep hearing calliope music!

    Time to stop giving that monkey a free ride!

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    1169 days ago
  • GEORGE815
    Great!
    1169 days ago
  • JUST_BRENDA
    You are so right! I totally recall one of your messages with a diagram showing a pictorial showing that many people think weight loss is a fail or success versus it numerous failures along the way, but we keep on the path.
    You likely already know this, but it's important after a failure/binge/slip, not to let those feelings of disappointment fester and allow for another binge (to ignore the feelings of course).
    Keep on pushing, you can do it!!!
    1169 days ago
  • MSFRANKI1
    Amen, Sista! High Five. I totally relate. emoticon
    1169 days ago
  • HOLLYM48
    You can do it! We are not perfect and so the monkey might come out once in while, but catch him and put him back in his cage as soon as you can. You have come so far and with each day comes a new chance to begin again and be the healthiest that we can be. Keep on going, we will win the monkey battle!!
    1169 days ago
  • SOPHIEDO13
    Don't let one day disappoint you ... You've done great the majority of the days emoticon
    1169 days ago
  • JEANNETTE59
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    1169 days ago
  • NEWTON1068
    Im going to steal your quote " Each day we are born again", Its so true and a great way to look at life. I find myself waiting on your blogs more and more.Its my new addiction...ha ha...Thank you Pixie-Karen from Ohio
    1169 days ago
  • FUNLOVEN
    I think the fact that you have already lost 71 lbs. shows that you have more good days then you do bad ones! This journey is all about lessons. I wrote recently that I feel like a slow learner some times. I know that I will eventually learn. It keeps us striving to do better. I helps us to see how far we have actually come when we look back. There is no doubt in my mind that emoticon
    1169 days ago
  • MSBEKANATOR
    Oh Pixie, Thank you so much for this blog. I needed it more than I can say. Love the thought that even though the circus never leaves town, we can still win. I am so glad you posted!

    Becky
    1169 days ago
  • TRAVELGRRL
    I love and take solace in the idea that every morning begins another 24-hour period where we can start fresh. No regrets, no recriminations, just let it go and start again.

    I like the quote, "Wherever you go, there you are."

    So no point in hating ourselves or beating ourselves up -- we won't change until WE change!

    Thank you for a wonderful blog, one that all of us can identify with. I know you will have an AWESOME day today, with the monkey safely in his cage at the circus!!
    1169 days ago
  • COLOR-BLUE
    emoticon on your weight loss, and gaining control of what you put in your mouth. Sometimes, we do have set backs, but when we acknowledge them, like you did, they no longer have any power over us!!! emoticon my friend, and before you know it, you'll be at your GOAL!!!

    Be blessed,

    - Nancy Jean -
    1169 days ago
  • OBIESMOM2
    emoticon
    congrats on your progress!!!

    I'm a fan of Anne Lamott too. My favorite quote: You can safely assume that you've created God in your own image when it turns out that God hates all the same people you do.

    1169 days ago
  • SUGAR0814
    Wow Pixie, I feel like you're in my head reading my thoughts! The monkey on my back was about to turn into a gorilla but I shook him off! Have a great day!! emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1169 days ago
  • SHERIO5
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    It's good to know I'm not alone!
    1169 days ago
  • HELEN_BRU
    It's nice to know you are normal. For the longest time I thought you were Miss Perfect or Miss Positive Personified. You've come a long way. And no doubt will hit your target! emoticon
    1169 days ago
  • TERMITEMOM
    PIxie, this is what I needed to read today: I had sort of a binge yesterday too. My neighbor baked a batch of her famous brownies, and I could not resist, I ate 4 of them... This was not just a small monkey, but a gorilla... The fight never stops!
    1169 days ago
  • LAINIESNEWLIFE
    Pixie, you have the right attitude! I'm so that you're under so much stress. I pray that things get better for you. Take care!!

    Hugs,

    Lainie
    1169 days ago
  • SIMPLYABUNDANT
    I love that quotation by Anne Lamott!! Isn't that the truth! But you have a great way of looking at things and you are not one to let a setback set you back...if you know what I mean. Definitely, every lapse has some kind of lesson in it, if we're only willing to take a look. Congratulations for your perseverance in fighting monkeys!
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    1169 days ago
  • SUSANNAH31
    As you know well, today is a new day. You can make today a good day for you.

    Don't look back.

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    1169 days ago
  • MICKEYH
    I feel you Pixie, sorry for your bad day yesterday. I had a bad weekend myself. But I'm like you, never give up. For me, time like this, I encourage myself more. I know you do too. emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1169 days ago
  • KITTYLADY1259
    You are so right, Pixie, the circus is always in town. And it will always be in town. But if it were a real to life circus, I wouldn't be going every day would you???? So it is with life. Like you said a day is only one day. We start over fresh. Thanks for sharing so much with us. You always encourage me.

    Love,
    Glenna
    1169 days ago
  • KIMCOLLINGS
    I love this part....."That binge wasn't a failure. It was a lesson. It was an occurrence. It happened, but just because it happened doesn't mean that I have to keep on letting it happen. Today is a new day and even though the circus will always be in town, I don't have to let that monkey hop on my back and take up permanent residence. I can (and I will) fight against it. "

    Terrific attitude which will take you far, and look how far you have already come! Congrats on 71 pounds lost! That is emoticon
    1169 days ago
  • PIXIEMOM13
    Ah man Pixie, I'm sorry to hear yesterday wasn't such a good day for you.

    I stress-ate too yesterday...but you're right.. it happened, we put it behind us and move on. Right?
    1169 days ago
  • FIFIFRIZZLE
    It will not always require a constant effort, every day that you get through without bingeing is another step towards negotiating your life with ease and grace.
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    1169 days ago
  • LOVINGKATE
    Thanks so much for sharing. You are such an inspiration. Yes today is a new day and yesterday is gone and tomorrow is out of reach. Let's open this day with a keep pushing attitude. emoticon
    1169 days ago
  • GIRLYQUE
    None of us is perfect, but with effort we can (and do) see progress. emoticon
    Remember, you are a long ways from where you started!! And you are worth it!
    1169 days ago
  • TINADEE86
    Thanks for your blog. opened my eyes alot. emoticon
    1169 days ago
  • BAMAJAM
    Thank you, Pixie--- these motivational quotes really do help!

    That ol Monkey is often on my back--- Each time I see a flaky pastry, or chocolate brownie, that monkey claws my shoulders... In the past I would feel deprived when I would resist the bad stuff---- but a different attitude helps. The attitude of feeling empowered instead of deprived, is much better! I try to look at that pastry-- and say "I am strong, not weak".....

    Keep on Sparkin-- HUGS!
    1169 days ago
  • LEWILL1982
    The last line: It's important to get right back on track to maintain your overall progress. We have to remember that when we do have our slip ups or when the monkey comes for a visit. Great job picking up the pieces, you can do it! And congrats on hubby's new job!
    1169 days ago
  • DIETER27
    thanks for your blog .
    1169 days ago
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