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Weight really doesn't matter.

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Tuesday, July 16, 2013

I am a 23 year old female, and recently had a conversation with two other 23 year old females. None of us is single- one friend is married, and my other friend and I are both in long term committed relationships.

I have known both of them for 10+ years. We were discussing people we went to high school with, specifically girls with eating disorders. We talked about how one girl ruined her beautiful voice from bulimia, and about how a friend has gained 30 pounds in the past two years and finally looks healthy and beautiful. One friend shared that she flirted with the idea of anorexia in high school, but it never stuck. She said, "Now, I realize that it doesn't really matter."

And when she said that, I looked at myself and realized that I finally believed it to be true.

My weight doesn't determine my worth.
My weight doesn't make me more important.
My weight doesn't have to ruin my confidence.
My weight doesn't determine what jobs I can do
My weight doesn't make me any less beautiful.

It's true.

We all agreed with that statement. I looked at us: Me, a size 12. The other, a size 6, and the third, size 0. We are quite evenly spaced. All of us are beautiful. All of us have men who love us exactly as we are. All of us are relatively healthy, and my weight being more definitely does not necessarily indicate that I am more unhealthy. We all can jog around the block a few times, but none of us could run a marathon. We are each excelling in our very different careers. We are all loving towards our families and doing things to contribute positively to our communities. We are all worthwhile. We are all beautiful. We are all important. We are all loved and accepted by our friends.

So, for the first time, I can say that this really is about being healthy for me. It really is about changing my body, but not about changing my body image. It's not about gaining more self worth, more attention, or more acceptance.

Member Comments About This Blog Post:
CATNCAG 7/17/2014 1:34PM

    emoticon emoticon

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LORIVIOLA 2/18/2014 3:20PM

    wow! this is great! thanks for sharing.

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BETTERME54 11/14/2013 3:35PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon ! now that what I call real self esteem.

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TARINNA 9/27/2013 8:27PM

    I don't typically post on other's comments but couldn't let this one go. Although I completely agree w/point of view, I'm absolutely amazed that only 2 other people said anything about size 0, 4 & 12! You feelings about yourself are right on & I admire them but I wonder if you would feel the same @ a size 16, 18 or larger & NOT in a committed relationship.

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TREV1964 9/20/2013 7:51PM

    great stuff



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GOLDTAG1 9/16/2013 7:58AM

  I just got to reading this and I want to thank you so much for your wonderful and positive outlook. It is a sense of being that we all should strive for! Thank you again. emoticon emoticon

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BIGCHEESE2002 9/9/2013 12:32PM


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WHYTEBROWN 9/5/2013 8:36AM

    emoticon blog. SOOOOO TRUE!!!

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MISSLISA1973 9/3/2013 2:17AM


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J2740LOU 9/1/2013 7:56PM

    Yes, Yes, and Yes! emoticon

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PK2H2000 8/20/2013 10:01PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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ZJAMEZ 8/18/2013 10:43PM

  What a lesson you have learned at such a young age! You are so right! Keep believing young sister and you will always know that your worth is not in what you look like but who you are! God tells us that all the time! When we leave this earth, people will remember us by who we were, not what we looked like.

Comment edited on: 8/18/2013 10:46:14 PM

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MAYBER 8/18/2013 12:04AM

    Thank you for sharing your thoughts with all of us
The number on the scale does not identify who we are
Keep up your great attitude
You are already successful with who you are today
One day at a time
Love Prayers Peace

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LISA_FRAME 8/17/2013 6:20PM


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RED_DEVIL_APRIL 8/15/2013 11:44PM

    So well said. Thanks for posting.

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KRAFTYKAT2 8/15/2013 3:01PM

  Your blog has much wisdom in it. I understand what you have to say here. I also see that you're only 23 years old, and in a "long term committed relationship." When did you come to feel this way about your bodyweight? Was it before or after you were in this relationship? Did you feel the same way about yourself when you were single & looking? What is the biggest size you've ever worn? I'm not trying to be devil's advocate, just getting a feel for how long you've felt this way.

I'm going to be 55 this year, I have so-called "terminal" cancer (wasn't supposed to be here past March 2011), have struggled with weight issues since I can remember, and am not in any type of relationship. I'm definitely not happy with my size/weight at this time, but have been on chemo & steroids for the last 3 months and have put back on a lot of weight which I worked hard to lose! So, disappointed in how this has gone but know I will be back to working out soon (when I regain energy) and hopefully will get down to the size I felt much more comfortable in!

Thanks for putting up with my questions, and I wish you all the best!
Kat C.

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SIZE8NOTSOMUCH 8/15/2013 8:33AM

    What a beautiful story, thank you so much for sharing!

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YESICAN310 8/14/2013 11:11AM

    what an awesome post. that is the way we all should approach it. I couldn't have said it any better. thank you for that emoticon

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ALIUSIA 8/13/2013 8:45PM

    I couldn't agree more!! Your absolutely right! =) when I joined Spark I knew the "scale" was going to be a problem for me. I knew I would end up weighing in every day and focusing on it too much. So I said, ok, forget it! Now my goals and focus are on eating good whole foods, drinking plenty of water and finding lots of fun ways to get my fitness in. I don't worry about the weight or even think about it because if I focus on the other three the weight will come off. Most importantly you have to love yourself right now were your at, just like you said. So keep up the great motivation!

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MARLY314 8/12/2013 11:14PM

    So very true. emoticon

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QUEENBEA1357 8/12/2013 10:56PM

  I thought what you said, was so beautiful. It mean't alot to me. And encouraged me to be more confident about myself. Thank you for your inspiring works

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AGIGS22 8/12/2013 2:28PM

    this was wonderful! thank you!

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DLHELGE 8/12/2013 2:07PM

  Amen, sistah. You are so ahead of the game to have nailed this issue so young. Your healthy attitude today will drive many happy, healthy years to come.

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MARIELLELAMAR1 8/12/2013 10:48AM

    How amazing you are and so grounded!
I am 69 years old--my great focus now is exercise. I have been overweight by 10 to 60 pounds most of my adult life. I have just begun to focus on increasing my exercise and life activities (just added a new goal today) and decrease my focus on food. I am still logging it but I am no longer judging my eating habits as much as before.
Have a wonderful day!!
emoticon emoticon

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WHITEANGEL4 8/12/2013 3:32AM

    A very revealing blog. The number is not the important thing. It is the health. I would like to have a smaller number in weight and clothes, but I have come a long way and my bode is happy and healthy where it is...I ill not fore weight lose at the lose of my health

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ICANDOIT1220 8/11/2013 4:39PM

    This is a great post! I wholeheartedly agree. I am still trying to get to the point you described, and not measure my self-worth based on my weight and physical appearance. Your post was very motivating and sincere.

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JENLUCE 8/11/2013 12:13PM

    Thanks for sharing. It sounds like you have some great friends and a great attitude!

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MARVICBORG 8/11/2013 5:37AM

    Very nice blog! There are days in my life that weight determine the way I interact with my family because sometimes I feel very sad. But than it's true that weight does not determine the person I am inside and I am still the same person of when I was 27kilos heavier. emoticon emoticon

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ESA36AL 8/11/2013 2:44AM

  Great attitude to have concerning yourself. It can be difficult for some to look at it that way whether it's weight loss, maintaining or needing to gain some. emoticon e.

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STEPMOM_MJ 8/10/2013 11:34PM

    You've got the right attitude! Thanks for the reminder. :) emoticon

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-SHE_WOLF- 8/10/2013 5:04PM

    emoticon emoticon

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ALIDOSHA 8/10/2013 3:48PM


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TANYAP67 8/10/2013 12:23PM

  So true. Loved this post! emoticon

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NASFKAB 8/10/2013 3:21AM

  loved your blog so true thanks

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CORNERKICK 8/10/2013 12:32AM


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EBLOOMING 8/9/2013 11:41PM

    Very good blog!!! Liking the me inside is so so so important. Wanting a healthier me is taking care of me. When I take care of me other people do not have to. Knowing that I am God's beloved child is very important to me. He does not make junk!! emoticon

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VAMPYRE03 8/9/2013 11:25PM

    Wow!!! What a great post!!!

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SUGARBABY60 8/9/2013 10:58PM

    Interesting concept.......size 0 ,4 12 obese emoticon OMG so nieve! Unless of course you all are 2 foot 4 inches tall! I 'm at a loss for words!i

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SWNANNA34 8/9/2013 8:12PM

    This is what I realized along time ago. Thanks for sharing it with others. emoticon

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SIFUMARY1 8/9/2013 7:52PM

    I like your comment.

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KACEYROOSKI 8/9/2013 6:19PM

  This is beautiful. I have dealt with an eating disorder for 16 years and we truly do need to learn and focus on that fact that we are beautiful in all shapes, sizes, ages. We determine our worth, no one else does!

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SHKIRK 8/9/2013 4:49PM

  Great way to feel !! I have been obese since i was a baby. I have always been able to keep up w/ any of my friends. I had just as many relationships. My career has had its ups and downs and so has many of the people I know. It has always confused me way people look at me and conclude what I can and can not do. I have always felt good about myself and how I look. I fine now that I am getting older.(i am 54 ) I have a harder time doing things..but that's age more than weight. I am w/ you... its not what society thinks about you its what you think of yourself !! emoticon

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WORKNPROGRESS49 8/9/2013 4:49PM


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TPETRIE 8/9/2013 4:26PM


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LAINYC 8/9/2013 3:21PM


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JOEY55 8/9/2013 2:13PM

  i'm surprised no one said this:
being a size 12, sz. 6 or 0 is not exactly overweight!

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JUSTMARYANNE 8/9/2013 1:36PM

  I love your blog and it was so great to read the responses....and sad, too. The people we love can be so hurtful, but remember their negative comments are more about THEM and what's happening in THEIR heads and less about YOU. It has taken me 40 years to internalize that.

I was so "hypnotized" by everyone else's fears, anxieties, belief systems, etc. by the time I was 12, that my (thin) mother took me to a "diet doctor". Over the next 3-4 years I essentially became a speed freak, taking up to 13 pills of unknown content a day. Some may have been placebos or vitamins, but many were DRUGS, pure and simple. This was accepted practice back then. Sure I was skinny, but at what price!

And the most important question: Did it improve my self-image, my self-worth? Are you kidding? Absolutely not! I could not concentrate, I could not sleep, I had manic can any teenager develop anything approaching a positive body image when it was all based on something artificial? I finally was able to peer through the fog and threw away the pills and never returned to that doctor. And I have been struggling with my weight and my self-worth ever since. But it has been worth every frustration.

I have one important caution: I do believe that weight CAN matter. It can impact your heart, your liver, your joints, your blood pressure. But at the age of 23, you don't think of that. That's o.k....for now. As long as you work toward developing healthy lifestyle choices, weight will never matter.

By the way, check out the German movie, "The Hairdresser" on Netflix! Subtitles, but so worth it. Funny, sexy, and triumphant. It's great to see a woman for whom her weight ultimately leads her to success and pride.

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ANYVAR54 8/9/2013 1:10PM

    Congratulations on your positive outlook on life and your body.

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ABARNOWL 8/9/2013 1:07PM

What you say is so true. In fact your post inspired me to post my first blog entry ever! My experiences have taught me:

Just because I am no longer obese it does NOT mean
- That I am any smarter
- That I am any less lazy when it comes to daily chores
- That I bathe more often
- That I smell any better
I am still basically me no matter the size of the packaging!

Thank you for the great post,

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CANDIK48 8/9/2013 12:24PM

    Good for you for finding affirmation in ways far more meaningful than weight!

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