Wanna know a secret about me?
I hate goals.
Yep. I really hate goals. Goals are not like challenges. A challenge means it's still going on. You don't have to stop. You can keep on learning whatever it is you're working on. A goal means you're done. It's over. Finis. For an ENFP - the sort of person who hates to come to closure, a challenge is a friend. A goal is not.
ENFP? That's a personality type - you can read about them here:
Besides, goals sound too much like sports and me? Well. I don't like sports either - especially team sports - things where if I win, you have to lose and if you win I have to lose. I don't like either side of "lose". Set a goal for me and I immediately wander off in a different direction. this happens even when I set the goal myself. I'll get sick, get interested in something else, my eyes will begin to flick away- I put my hands over my ears and sing LA LA LA LA LA loudly .
I'm solo athlete. I love a challenge. I love to push myself harder than I did yesterday. I love to try new things and I'll even come back again and again till I've mastered them. It's how I learned to play the violin - how I learned to knit - how I learned to draw (still learning that one). I don't have any problem with practice. Love me some practice. Just don't ask me to reach a goal. Don't put a deadline on me. Don't fence me in.
I am reminded of a description of how a horse whisperer gets horses to link up with her. She circles around the horse, always coming at him from the side as he avoids her - till, when he's tired, she turns her back on him and waits - and then he steps up behind her and touches her shoulder. They link up.
Yeah. that's me, trying to reach any desired outcome. (Notice how I didn't use the G word?) I have to keep at it - from several directions and then, when the outcome seems like it's just exhausted from trying to avoid me - I stop and let it happen.
So I love a challenge. And for quite a while now I haven't had one. I'm casting about for something I can circle, approach, investigate - explore. I posted about the LDRICHEL's Happiness Challenge yesterday. That sounds tempting. But I've also just bought two books that offer challenges: THE ARTISTS' WAY by Julia Cameron
and (no surprise) Martha Beck's new book FINDING YOUR WAY IN A WILD NEW WORLD.
Both of them offer the sort of challenge I like - the kind that pushes you further down the road to a better version of yourself. They're both demanding, though I think The Artists' Way will be the harder of the two. They push you. They introduce you to things you had never tried before. They have lists and exercises and steps. But the thing is - neither of them lock you into a goal. You'll definitely get somewhere and it might look like you've reached a goal, but in fact, the goal sort of gives up avoiding you and when you least expect it - links up with you.
I love the idea of that and I'm beginning to crave a new challenge. I'm also having an unbelievably crammed busy summer. In addition to the normal busy of summer in the library we're going to migrate to a completely new automation system in August. Believe me - it's an enormous task - you don't really want to know the details. Then, I have several big social events coming up over the next 6 weeks. And it's hot. Hot hot hot. and humid. It's no time for me to begin a new challenge. But I can look into some. I can think about it - or even just think about thinking about it. So - for the next few weeks I am going to investigate and read these two books. I'll dabble a bit with them and then I will either pick a challenge or devise one of my own.
Because - even though I hate a goal - I love a challenge.