Monday, July 15, 2013
I am trying to recover from my family's visit this past week. I love my children and my grandchildren. I was so looking forward to their visit, but to my surprise, I was equally as glad to see them head back home yesterday.
I have been trying to understand my feelings. Part of it is having lived by myself for the past 3 years. I have gotten used to the solitude and I rather like it. I can't deal with all the chaos that is my children's lives as well as I once did.
I love my grandchildren, but I just don't have the energy that I had 10 years ago when my little redhead was born. I have been so whipped since they left, I didn't even want to ride my bike.
I think the biggest reason I was happy to see them leave is that they were invading my "Ohio" world. It is okay to go home to VA and see them. That is their space now and I am just visiting, but up here they were taking over the new space I have made for myself...apart from them.
I was quite surprised at my feelings. I didn't realize how much I have changed in the past 3 years....how much I have separated myself from my former life, former friends, former "issues".
I will have to do a little more soul searching to get to the whole truth of the matter, but I think I have made a big step in my recovery from the drug that was my children's lives...their addictions...their love lives...their not "launching"...everything. Also finally getting through the fog of my husband's death....it has been 10 long years, but I think I am finally ready to breath again.