Monday, July 15, 2013
I was talking to my mother the other day about how everyone has something they are good at. Six years ago when I had my freshman year of collage I realized that I was not as good at music as I had once thought. I had always felt that it came fairly easily to me because I enjoyed it so it was fun to practice and learn new instruments. Then I had to take real music classes and I was terrible at them. I studied constantly and actually felt proud of myself for getting a C, when I was used to A's, because I hadn't failed and it was the best I could do. By the third semester I was able to get up to B's in those difficult classes and it felt great! I had to work very hard in high school to earn the top grades. My sister could get her homework done much faster than me and many things came easily to her. My husband is the same way. He is an electrical engineer, one of the hardest majors out there, most people who start in EE change majors before graduating. It was a challenge for him but he never once acted like he wanted to change. His brain works much faster than mine with math.
Before I was married I felt like I could do anything. Lately when I have brought up something new that I want to try, my husband would say it was not a good idea, like it was too hard for me and he didn't want to see me hurt if I fail. After talking it over we realized that that was how he thought of himself. That was why he never wanted to try new things. He knows what he's good at and sticks with that. I reminded him that my mind works differently, I don't feel like I have failed unless I give up, as long as I'm trying, I have not failed.
When I talked to my mom about all of this she pointed out that my husband was not there to see me persevere through everything in high school. I started track unable to run at all, but with a good coach who believed in me I was running 5k's by the end of the season and decided to join cross country too. It didn't matter that I lost and even came in last for every race, what mattered to me is that I never walked and I finished the race just like everyone else. Something I had been told I would never do because of asthma, but I did and proved them wrong. There were many other things in high school as well. I didn't meet my husband until my sophomore year of college and we were engaged within 3 weeks. When it's right, it's right, and I will be married to him for eternity, but I have realized that after five years of marriage he really doesn't know the real me. That is going to change. I need to be me again. I was me when we got married but two kids and depression later really changed me, some things for the worse.
After we had talked this through, my mom is like my personal therapist, she pointed out that my personal strength is perseverance. I may not have one area that I excel in but I don't like to give up. I work hard at everything. Because of this strength I really can do anything as long as I don't overdo it and take things one step at a time.
Now whenever I am feeling down I remind myself that my personal strength is perseverance and I can accomplish anything, it doesn't matter how fast I do it or how I compare to someone else, what matters is that I never give up.