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Sometimes, no matter how horrible I feel I have to put my kitty first.

Monday, July 15, 2013

I often wonder if things will ever get easier on me (it'll never be easy, but any easier would be helpful). Today was a harder day, for sure.

I sent an email to the new neurologist because I really feel he didn't do a good job when I saw him on the 1st. He also dismissed several of the things I was saying, did a crappy physical exam, and didn't seem to put effort into understanding how widespread the symptoms of EDS are. I basically said if he is unwilling or unable to put in the time and effort I truly need that he should let me know so I can find another doctor. I also explained why this is so important: I had an hour long crying fit this morning before I went to sleep, which created explosions of pain in the base of my head. Sleeping didn't help and when I went to the bathroom after waking up, after maybe 10 minutes of straining to get stuff out, my right leg went dead. As I tried to walk back to the couch I was dragging my leg and pulling it forward only with my abs. It felt like it was cased in concrete. After I laid back down I flipped on my stomach and hung my head off the edge of the couch; the top of my head burned but the base of my head felt a bit better. But every time I get up and move, especially bending over or going up stairs, it's horrible and I nearly go unconsious.

Unfortunately, just as I was about to send the email, my cat started freaking out. Tane was screaming for like 30-45 mins. I had to lock him in the bathroom with me and I tried to rub his belly, but he was so upset. He finally pooped then threw up and seemed to feel better - he stopped screaming at least - but he was still not acting normal. I knew it wouldn't be safe for me to drive, so I was calling and texting people to come help, but no one answered. I sent a message to the woman who's come by a few times with her son to help with house chores, and she was able to come up with her husband. They spent a few hours with me waiting for the vet to check Tane out, then brought us back home. It seems he was so upset about something that he became constipated which made him throw up (I just learned this happens). He might have been upset about a spider bite or some noise he heard, but I think he was upset because of my crying fit this morning. They sent us home with some painkillers that will calm him down and hopefully help him sleep - good because he wants food and can't have it tonight. If he has more problems then I need to take him to his regular vet for xrays and blood work. But I can't even afford the $132 it cost for tonight; no way I can afford all of that. So I'm hoping he's going to be okay once he rests and calms down. I downloaded a cat game of a mouse running around the screen for him, but he likes to just watch it and purr, so I've had him sitting near me watching it.

I am facing way too much crap right now. I just don't know what to do. I had to fight this huge increase in symptoms today to take care of Tane, but I just feel like hell. Nothing that can help me seems to be going anywhere. I feel like I'm in the middle of a crapstorm and I can't get out.
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    I learned from working at a medical college that not every medical student (and hence, not every doctor) is really cut out for the job. Some don't care about people at all, are only looking forward to the fat paychecks. MANY don't care very much. What's more, they don't all make "As." Lots of them scrape by with Cs and if they spent as much time studying as they do defending their wrong answers on tests, they'd be better students and doctors. Yes, I'm cynical about the medical system. But the good thing is I've learned that THE PRIMARY RESPONSIBILITY FOR MY HEALTH LIES WITH ME. It sounds like you've got a lot on your plate. I do, too - I share a few of your diagnoses, but I don't have disability insurance and don't have savings, so I have to work, and it's difficult. I can't afford medical care for me (or my cat) so I'm winging it, and it's scary. But I have a lot of faith in the human spirit. Reading your blog and recognizing your power and strength, I realize that my faith is justified. You are a woman of power. Nice to meet you.
    1476 days ago
    emoticon Cats and all animals are very good at sensing our emotions. Hopefully he's doing better. It is so hard when our fur babies are sick. emoticon
    1496 days ago
    1496 days ago
    I am so sorry; my cats are my babies so I understand how you feel. I am glad Tane is doing better now. I know that cats can really pick up on our emotions, so maybe he was upset because he knew you were stressed out. I'm not saying that to make you feel bad, but to be hopeful that it is not a physical problem. emoticon
    1496 days ago
    Sometimes putting our little ones first actually helps us. emoticon
    1496 days ago
    Like I have said before, I may not understand what you go through but I do understand how it feels to not feel well at all and just burst out into tears because it is so overwhelming and frustrating.

    Sorry about the neurologist. It angers me when doctors don't care. It's such a waste of knowledge. Hopefully, he will start taking you seriously or you will find someone else.

    sorry about your kitty. Glad he seems to be doing better. I wouldn't doubt that he was upset because of your crying spell. Animals tend to get emotional when their humans aren't doing very well.
    Are there any low cost clinics in your area? Sometimes, low cost vet clinics will charge a minimal amount for the visit but blood tests and other tests can still run a high bill. It may be worth looking into though.

    I do hope things ease up a bit. emoticon

    1496 days ago
    Hi Sheri,
    You have really had an extremely rough day. I hope your Tane gets better. I have not gotten into bed yet, insomnia has it's grip on me. My offer is still good to call me anytime except between 5 n 8pm. I have unlimited minutes. I wish people would open up their heart and donate to help you. Hey, I am willing to share what little I can!! I hope others have or develop a pay it forward unselfishness. I'm happy your friends took you to the vet. I think I told you already, but check out Binder and Binder.com for disability attorneys. I'll get back onto Ellen site Mon or Tues. Do it again and again.....maybe someone there will listen.
    I keep you in my prayers every morning and most nights.

    comment was not edited, I hit the wrong button, meh !
    1496 days ago

    Comment edited on: 7/15/2013 4:58:02 AM
    1496 days ago
    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1496 days ago
    Sometimes life feels like that. I know, I struggle with something similar and it's not always easy. But it does get better. No matter how bad you feel, there will be good days ahead. I hope both you and your cat start feeling better. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

    1496 days ago
    oh dear!

    you have to calm down, because believe it or not, getting upset will only worsen matters.

    next, i'm sure that doctor of yours is entirely capable... of writing bills.
    don't ask him, just move on to someone else. hey, whazzamadda babe, it's YOU first, the cat will follow.

    do you have health insurance? if not, please consider. surely you can re-direct some funds in that direction?

    then, when you've found some sort of inner peace, your cat will not need to express your stress.

    and finally, hopefully you will find a supportive group of people to surround you, although that is a herculean feat sometimes.

    peace, love and soul to you!
    1496 days ago
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