Monday, July 15, 2013
Well I have made it past the first week. I am not sure what is different for me this time compared to others but I am committed to tracking and making progress. Not only committed but INSPIRED to do it. There is a feeling of wellbeing that I get from tacking control of my life and my body. I own this body and can do anything I want with it.
Up until recently I was definitely in denial about what I ate and how much. I considered my self a healthier eater then most people and worked out consistently for many years. I had several friends make comments to me "If I worked out and ate like you do, I would be a rail!"
So why wasn't I a rail?
Because I was engaging in some unhealthy eating habits that prevented me from becoming lean. I ate nuts all night after dinner. I would have a glass (or two) of wine with the girls after work and with my intoxication buy a piece of cake from the grocery store on my way home. I would count how many chips I ate at the Mexican food restaurant and then NOT TRACK THEM. I did not measure my food and just eyeballed it. I would have a mental tug of war in my head on why I shouldn't eat this thing that I knew would slow down my progress and then EAT IT ANYWAY. Eat when I know I'm freakin not hungry and just plain don't need to. Refuse to handle my emotions and discomfort in a healthy way without food.
The last one is a biggie because it was and still is subtle. I have had an aversion to not snacking out of boredom. There used to be times when I made my self mini meals out of boredom. I weighed more then. Now it is just a handful of nuts, a couple of baked tortilla chips, half a protein bar, an apple, ect. None of these are calorie killer foods but they ADD UP and when you are 5ft tall you don't have much to work with to begin with. Why has it been so difficult for me all these years to just wait until I was hungry to eat? This habit is SO OLD. I am finally letting it go and it feels good.
Now I am have come to accept that I will feel hunger several times a day on good days. I accept that I will be hungry for about an hour before my meal times and that is a GOOD THING. I can say with honesty that I look forward to that hunger because it means I am on track. My next challenge is dealing with my night time eating but at this point I know it is practically in the bag. I feel good about this journey because I can sense that I am no longer stagnant. I used to feel so desperate and hopeless about weight loss but now I don't because I realize it is inevitable that I reach my goal. II am proud to take this journey and want to share it with others because I am that proud!
I have 4 weeks until my vacation and I am still going to go hard until I leave. Before I felt pressure to get to a certain point before I left but now I will be happy with where ever I end up because I know that this journey will just continue. I bet that I will lose weight on my vacation. It is inertia now.
Thank you SP and thank you to all the friends that I have made so far that have helped to inspire me into this break through experience.