Sunday, July 14, 2013
How responding to someone else's need can help you with your own:
I craved fried chicken all day today. Instead of indulging, I binged on candy--and am still craving the chicken. I've eaten out for four days straight, throwing all mindfulness to the wind. Now I'm feeling guilty, weak, irresponsible. I'm grieving for the damage I've done. And I'm absolutely certain that the only cure for how I'm feeling is to love myself anyway, forgive myself, and try again. I, too, don't like what I see in the mirror. As a matter of fact, I'm fairly certain that what I see in the mirror isn't going to improve much with weight loss--the damage I've done is, on the surface, permanent. I have to find a way to love the person in the mirror, though, regardless of what she looks like. I have to remember that what I've been working towards is a better life, better health, better mobility. Better play with my daughter. A week like this, and it's easy to give up...until I remember the progress that I've already made, the breath that comes easier, the knees that don't constantly hurt now, the total faith my daughter has developed in my ability to "race" her anytime she feels like running. I'm torn between wanting to beat myself up, punish myself for the week I've had and choosing instead to forgive myself and have a better day tomorrow. Fact is, beating myself up has never, ever been effective at anything except increasing my personal self-loathing, and I know now that I can choose not to be that way with myself. No, you aren't alone in how you feel.
I've written so much because I was feeling very much like you are right now, but to hear you voice it about yourself made me sad. Then I realized that I can have the same compassion for myself that I can have for another human being. Thanks for your honesty and openness, because you've helped me remember who I already am (loveable!) and who I am becoming (healthier and wiser!) And I hope that something I've written reminds you, too, that YOU are loveable, worthy of compassion, and are already succeeding on this path you've chosen!