Fighting an urge again
Sunday, July 14, 2013
I had a great morning, and yesterday was a good day too (had a bit of overeating due to cravings in the evening, but it wasn't too bad). At the moment though, I'm struggling. For some reason, lunch, which was a few sushi rolls, usually one of my favorite things, didn't quite satisfy. It did satisfy me in the sense that I wasn't hungry anymore, but I had a pretty strong craving for something else afterwards. I kept eating and drinking other random things like some potstickers, cherries, cheese, soymilk but that just made me feel worse... I think it's a bread or sweets craving. :(
I had just packed up all my study stuff and was going to go out and buy a bunch of bread things and study (not a safe idea AT ALL...the chances of that turning into a binge would be pretty high) when I realized that it might be tiredness. I know am kind of tired...I've been getting around 5.5-6 hrs of sleep per night, but I guess I could use more. It didn't help that I overate and am partially in a food coma.
So here's my experiment: I told myself I'd come here and check in, then try to take a short (max 1 hr) nap and see how I feel. This bugs me because I really want to get a lot of work done today, and this is going to make me lose time, but I'm trying to convince myself that it's not worth staying up and trying to push through and work if it ends up in a binge. That's just lost time as well.
In the time that's passed writing this I've already noticed the craving decrease, but I still think I feel tired, so I'm going to proceed with that nap, as much as I don't want to spend the time on it. :/
Since I'm here and expect a busy week next week, I'll write a little more...
+ I'm proud of myself so far for doing ok this weekend (Thursday and Friday were not good again, and included binges, sadly) because unstructured time is the hardest! I love it because it means time for research, but because research doesn't have the structure of a "job" like my internship, it's harder for me to manage my time. Yesterday I went to a tea shop and told a friend about it, and she ended up joining me. I think that really helped us both to get some work done and focus.
+ I went surfing and then went to yoga class this morning. Both made me feel happy and grateful for summer!
+ Even though it's slow, I think my understanding of my research is getting better.
+ From July 19-21 (Friday - Sunday) I'm going on a camping trip near the coast with two former classmates from the graduate program. Both of them were a few years ahead of me when I started and have both since gotten their Ph.D.s and moved on, one into industry and the other into academia. It should be a fun, beautiful trip and if we feel like talking about math it'll be a bonus!