500-999 SparkPoints 659

Day #2

Sunday, July 14, 2013

Well last night I went for a run with my soon-to-be brother in-law, he's 15, and boy can that kid run. I kind of lost my motivation when he passed me and it took me 10 minutes to catch up at our ending point. I forgot my inhaler and my lungs felt like they were going to explode. I decided for my safety and health that it would be better to just walk the rest of the way back home. I over did it, I hadn't ran in a long time and jumped right in when in reality I should have just paced myself. It was my stupidity for running, but I couldn't get my mom's words out of my head. She told me a week ago "Don't have kids please" i looked at her confused and asked her why which only made her laugh "are you serious? Do you really think I want FAT grandkids. they learn from example of their parents and look at you, your HUGE" It was like adding salt to an open wound. She knows that I want kids but it's going to be harder for me since I'm bigger and just found out I have PCOS. I know it won't be impossible to have kids it will just take longer and harder, but so worth it in the end. The point being, no matter how motivated I get myself my mom just has to knock me down like always. She's been like this since i first started to gain weight, I kind of just put it to the back of my brain but it always wiggles itself back to the front because she is my mom and what kind of mom seriously puts their daughter down like that? What kind of parent actually wants their kid to fail? Every time I want to quit and just give up, my brothers flash in my brain and the words my little brother said to me in the hospital "I'm sorry I almost killed you sissy" how could I have gotten that big, so big that I couldn't play with my brother. Now I just keep looking at my old pictures and the recent ones and can't believe how much has changed and how much is still changing
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Hey there. I've got 5 - 10 years on you and I've (thankfully) been out of my Mom's house for years. I get the impression that our upbringings were very similar. Like you, my mom was my worst enemy and brought me down every chance that she had. Still, I find myself horrified at your mom's blatantly false and cruel comments.

    You don't deserve it. I'd say her intention is to actually get under your skin - to bother you. Maybe it is to *help* you, but I suspect that's not the primary intention. The next time she says something like that, calmly say to her, "I'm sorry you feel like that." Of course, it depends on your mom. I know with mine, I couldn't say anything to her at all other than "Uhhuh, yes ma'am, you're SO right."

    Hopefully you'll be out of her house before too long. While I love my mother, I am SO glad I don't live with her and frankly, I don't think she ever should have had kids. She was too immature and self-absorbed. I hope that's not the case with your mom, but...

    Don't let the negativity and poisonous attitudes of other folks shape how you think about yourself. You're so much better than that. If you ever want to talk, I'm around.
    1704 days ago
  • TIGER_LILY_613
    I'm shocked at your mom. That's a horrible, cruel, mean thing to say. Not to mention, completely false.

    In my experience, sometimes, people don't know the effect their words have on others. Maybe because they've been used to saying such things all their lives, and that others just chose to avoid them or brush those things off, so they never learned. Sometimes they assume the recipients of such words are stronger than they really are, and can handle it.

    On the (very) slim chance she might not realize how mean that was (I believe she should know better, but that's just my personal opinion), you can give her the benefit of the doubt and actually vocalize how it made you feel ("Mom, you may not realize this, but I feel really hurt by what you said. I am making big effort to get healthy, and your support would mean a lot to me").

    Try to remain calm and positive. And tell yourself that no matter what, you CAN do this, and your goals and your efforts are the key determining factor in how your future turns out.

    1706 days ago

    Comment edited on: 7/14/2013 5:44:07 PM
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