Macabre Kind of Day
Sunday, July 14, 2013
I woke up this morning at about 1am when my husband was just going to sleep. Per normal, I could not go right back to sleep so I got on the internet for a little bit. I went to my usual website and was stunned to see Cory Monteith had passed away. He was just 31. Normally, I take most celebrity deaths with a: well that was sad, but I didn't know them personally. However, for some reason this one has hit me extremely hard. I don't know if it's partially because Glee is my favorite show and I've spent the last few weekends re-watching all the seasons. Or if it's because he's my age. He's actually only 5 months younger than me. And I realize I don't have a drug problem (though to be fair that hasn't been determined to be the cause of death yet) I do have an obesity problem. Who's to say I won't go to bed one night, have a heart attack and never wake back up because of my weight?
To top it off, I'm not happy with my life. It's not because of any one particular thing but I always had higher hopes for myself. When I was in high school, it was not my dream to be in my 30's, fat and working a non college educated job. I was going to be a professor, or a doctor, or a lawyer. And then I got lazy. I got complacement and I've slowly watched my life drift out of my control. only, it's not every really been out of my control I've just been too lazy to really bring it all back into focus.
Today that all changes. I have been watching my calories and that will not change but I am going to be more conscious of how active I am. And I'm going to start going to the gym more. This week is a horrible example because I am going on vacation on Wednesday evening for a week but I'm going to the Mall of America so I will have plenty of opportunities to get steps in there. I also have goals in my mind. I want to own a house so I've started working on my credit again. I don't want to wait 4 years for all the weight to be off. I don't want to wake up in 10 years and wonder where my 30's went. I also don't want my husband to wake up one day and not be able to wake me up either.
Sorry if this post was a little on the depressing side today. It's where my thoughts are all day.
RIP Cory Monteith "Finn Hudson" May 1982-July 2013