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Musings at 4am

Sunday, July 14, 2013

Im tapping this out on my phone so please excuse any errors. Im in the middle of my set of night shifts and I miss my Spark family. Im too busy sleeping and coping with the transition from days to nights to be doing much else. This is always the toughest time for me...dont mean to whine but its one of the more unsavory aspects of my job. Its hard to not feel a certain amount of isolation but I digress...

Its really hard to believe how fast the time is whizzing by. August will be here before I know it and with that comes taper time. Thats where any opportunities for training and build up are pretty much over and mileage is drastically curtailed to recover and rest prior to the big day. Life has gotten in the way lately. The brick i did in my last blog is the last time i have worked out at all. Im not really worried but there are always nagging doubts and questions of have I done enough. Ive got 3 12hr shifts ahead of me then an 8hr...then freedom.

I cant wait to get back out there and put the finishing touches on all of this. The 27th I am doing the Teal Lake swim which I have 2 1/2 hours to finish 2.25 worries, this will be cool :)

I also cant wait for all of this to be over.

Im tired of spending money. It seems like every time I turn around, there is something else I need to get. The good news is that all of it is mine and I wont have to buy it all again but man, I'm really getting a good dose of spending fatigue. Triathlon is a spendy sort of sport.

It used to be that I would spend lots of time thinking about the race and how exciting it would be to finish something like this. Now I am looking forward to life after the event. How good its going to be to devote my time to finishing my ACE certification and my class material.

I've put all of these things on hold. I would rather put these projects on hold and give them my full attention later rather than plow ahead and do a shoddy job. I will only have one chance to give an excellent first presentation. Another thing I'm looking forward to is getting back to weight loss, weight lifting, and kettlebells. I've put the lifting and kettlebells aside while training for this event...I was losing training time being sore from lifting and frankly I was paranoid about hurting my back and losing out on my event all together.

One thing I was planning doing on my own after this is over is to go for a 100+ mile bike ride. I got 75 miles down pat, just need to pace myself a little better, pack a little more fuel, and shazam...good to go :)

I guess more than anything, I want to finish my weight loss. To be done and move on. I've had alot of fun along the way and I guess if I have proved anything at all, I've proved that you don't have to be at some magical number before you start to do cool things. I also proved that I am a heck of alot tougher and more resilient than I thought I was.

Now it's time to move on.

My ultimate goal is a shot at finishing a full 140.6 mile triathlon and that will never happen at my current state. To do so is beyond ill-advised, it's downright foolhardy and I probably won't survive the training without injury let alone make it to the start line, not at my weight. A 70.3 is most definately my limit in my present state.

I feel like I need to go back into my cocoon and go through more changes before I will realize my dream.

I hope this makes some sense, I have a tendency to lose my thought and wander at 4am...been up since 5pm yesterday.

Thanks to all of my friends who endure my ramblings and always leave me an encouraging word. You are appreciated far more than you may realize. This would be a very lonely journey without you.
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