Sunday, July 14, 2013
It's time, so very past due, to pay attention. I can't point to one thing that is diverting my attention or makes any sense at ALL out of the ridiculous things that keep happening because of my inattention.
But, this is not LIKE me, and is certainly not how I define myself.
The universe has been dropping consequences on me and all around me - like I'm in the middle of a RoadRunner cartoon with anvils falling all over the place.
-ON my birthday my over-used and worn out tire caught a major chunk of concrete on the freeway and quickly went flat. I pulled over in time, and am lucky there wasn't a blow-out or loss of control.
-My weight is approaching (going back up to) my -100 milestone. A few months of plans that I haven't followed through on resulted in 20 pounds up. I haven't been tracking food, fitness minutes, or exercising regularly.
-I used to track every penny that I spent, and I haven't been consistent for a couple of years. It fuels my procrastination to get new tires when I need them, or a new laptop (that I still haven't purchased).
-This borrowed, well-used, olllllld laptop failed to start the operating system this morning, resulting in a wasted 30 minutes when I should've been at work. I was afraid it was the final straw and it had died. Right now I have another chance, but for how long? And since I've waited past the April I said I was waiting for, and into the "back to school" price-hike that I knew was coming.
-I forgot my phone at home for the first time EVER. Ever.
-My bra broke before I went to work, and was poking me in the side all day. It was just in time for a local sale, but could've been prevented if I hadn't shrugged off knowing that I shouldn't throw it in the washer with jeans or dry it in the dryer. It was the only one that was bigger, so I was relying on it to get me through until I was back in my slightly smaller ones.
-My clothes are not put away from the last time I did laundry...
-I can't find my hiking boots... Anywhere that I've looked so far. The last time I needed them I found them after the fact, and thought I put them in an easy-to-remember place -- nope.
--THE BIG ONE: I'm driving illegally, because I just remembered TONIGHT that I never got my renewal for my license by mail before my birthday (2 weeks ago!!!!!!!), when it expired. I can't believe I've been driving illegally for 2 weeks. I KNEw that my license was going to expire on my birthday. I was excited about it earlier this year, hoping that somehow I'd get a new picture or something. How the heck did I FORGET?! I don't do illegal things. :( The other day I didn't even let the mom-n-pop diner forget to charge me for my drink. I try not to even do MORALLY illegal things.
-I forget a lot of things lately.. why? I even had to make a list on my phone of things that I promised people so that I could be sure to follow through. Enthusiasm and "good intentions" are not enough in my book. I have higher standards for myself, and this solution was a long time coming.
Actually - that forgetfulness might be a clue. I think I'm under too much stress and either I'm doing things to alleviate it through avoidance, or checking out for avoidance.
I need mindful eating, mindful living, mindful ACTION.
I need to go pay some bills that will be due soon. :-\ ....Before I forget!