Saturday, July 13, 2013
I have always been a helper. If my mom, dad, or siblings needed help with anything, I was right there. A friend had a problem? I was just a phone call away. I even worked in nonprofits for 14 years, helping people who were struggling with one issue or another.
But one thing I have been horrible at doing is asking for help. This was never truer than over the past eight months. For one reason or another, I faltered with my weight loss. I got off-track, stopped exercising consistently, started eating on the fly, quit tracking my food.
As the weight crept back on, the negative tapes started blaring and I was very embarrassed at what was happening. "I can't face them," I thought, mortified, "What will they think? I'm such a failure!" It was like a runaway freight train.
Instead of stopping and thinking about how others have been public with their struggles and how SparkFriends have rallied around them to give them support, I pulled inward. I stopped blogging. I lurked, choosing to stay on the fringes rather than using one of the most powerful benefits that SP has to offer -- member support.
For eight months, I let things get far out of hand. Seeing how I had frittered away most of my efforts from last year was a wake-up call for me. I needed to change what I was doing.
Fortunately, this week has gone fairly well, but I still feel that am on the edge. It's not any one thing that I can pinpoint, but rather a little bit of many things that tend to make me feel overwhelmed. And when I get overwhelmed, I grind to a halt, struggling to process what is happening.
So I am here doing something that is very difficult for me to do -- asking for help. While the changes I am making are about me, this journey is far from something that is done in isolation.
Thank you in advance for your advice, a kind word, or whatever form your help takes. It means more to me than you can know.