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    RECREATING_ME   12,642
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Help


Saturday, July 13, 2013

I have always been a helper. If my mom, dad, or siblings needed help with anything, I was right there. A friend had a problem? I was just a phone call away. I even worked in nonprofits for 14 years, helping people who were struggling with one issue or another.

But one thing I have been horrible at doing is asking for help. This was never truer than over the past eight months. For one reason or another, I faltered with my weight loss. I got off-track, stopped exercising consistently, started eating on the fly, quit tracking my food.

As the weight crept back on, the negative tapes started blaring and I was very embarrassed at what was happening. "I can't face them," I thought, mortified, "What will they think? I'm such a failure!" It was like a runaway freight train.

Instead of stopping and thinking about how others have been public with their struggles and how SparkFriends have rallied around them to give them support, I pulled inward. I stopped blogging. I lurked, choosing to stay on the fringes rather than using one of the most powerful benefits that SP has to offer -- member support.

For eight months, I let things get far out of hand. Seeing how I had frittered away most of my efforts from last year was a wake-up call for me. I needed to change what I was doing.

Fortunately, this week has gone fairly well, but I still feel that am on the edge. It's not any one thing that I can pinpoint, but rather a little bit of many things that tend to make me feel overwhelmed. And when I get overwhelmed, I grind to a halt, struggling to process what is happening.

So I am here doing something that is very difficult for me to do -- asking for help. While the changes I am making are about me, this journey is far from something that is done in isolation.

Thank you in advance for your advice, a kind word, or whatever form your help takes. It means more to me than you can know.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post:
WMAYFIELD 7/14/2013 10:36PM

    I finally admitted that I don't like to ask for help either. Somehow, asking for help started the negative tape in my head like you mentioned--I'm not good enough, I should be able to do this on my own, etc. etc. I was putting myself under so much pressure, I started to fall apart. Then, God gave me a wake up call. emoticon

I had a hysterectomy in March and knew I'd need to slow way down, ask and accept help from people. I took the opportunity to practice letting people help me and even start asking for small things from my friends. I found out that asking the right people for help is empowering! Friends & strangers showed me love and concern, not because I did anything great for them--but just because I needed help. I am usually on the "giving" end and I learned that being on the "receiving" end of love and compassion is wonderful! Instead of feeling less capable, I felt more capable and at peace.

So what does this have to do with weight loss? Well, many of us think we "should" be able to exercise regularly, eat right, etc without any problem. When it IS a problem, we feel like a failure. But just because we know what to do, doesn't mean it's easy to do it. So blogging, reading other people's stories, asking for some encouragement, staying with the small good habits, are ways to gain more power to do right by yourself, not less.

Thank you for your post. It reminded me of things I learned a few months ago, that are easy for me to forget! Just thinking about this and writing it, gave me a boost for myself--so you helped me.
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HOLLYS_NEW_LIFE 7/14/2013 4:09PM

    I really think that's why this site is so wonderful! I know I couldn't have made it without SP and the member support. It's great to have people who get you and know where you're coming from. However, you can't hide if you need help! *HUGS* This is a place where you should be able to come for help and have 20 people knocking on your page, lol! I'm here whenever you need me!

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TIGER_LILY_613 7/14/2013 12:58PM

    Member support is one of the things that keeps me going. Reading other people's blogs and motivational stories, and seeing them respond when I reach out makes me feel like I'm not going it alone. And that's something that was missing last time.

Other sources of motivation are encouragement ( and sometimes tough love !) from my friends, looks or remarks from doubters (they just make me want to prove them wrong so badly), signing up for a year's worth of training (I definitely don't want my money to go to waste), having coworkers who want to go to the gym too, and wanting to see the joy on my father's face when he sees that I've finally broken the cycle. He's wanted me to be healthy for so long. I want to give him that joy. I may be doing this for me, but it would make him extremely happy.

It's tough to ask for help, so bravo for doing so. When you've been in a position where people rely on you to be their rock, it's very difficult to let others see you in a vulnerable place. Good for you for surpassing yourself ! You've already taken a great step forward.

You said that it was a bunch of little things that were overwhelming you. How about blogging about those things, if you can? Within the limits of your comfort zone of course. You might be pleasantly surprised about the advice and support you get emoticon



Comment edited on: 7/14/2013 1:12:22 PM

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KENDRACARROLL 7/14/2013 11:55AM

    I'm so glad to see you back and am looking forward to follow your progress once again. We all get off track sometimes, with eating, with exercise, with life...
Asking for help is hard, but it's also a first step to succeeding. Please know that your SparkFriends are here for you - always.
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LISACHOSECHANGE 7/14/2013 8:08AM

    I left spark because i couldnt stick to my eating plan. Life stess got in the way. I am back and doing well. I dont have the stress on myself to lose the weight. Start again it is ok and you are not a failure and it is ok to say you are failing. We are not perfect and we will fail that is ok because we can learn and move on.

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_BABE_ 7/14/2013 2:32AM

    It's hard to say what is one's motivation to keep on plan. Some people split their pants and it's the last straw and some get hit over the head again and again with hints that get bigger and bigger...that would be me. The fact that I could not fit into 99% of my clothes did nothing, stayed home felt terrible didn't budge the scale, knee problems, hip problems just made me feel worse. One day it just occurred to me if I don't treat myself well how can I expect anyone else to....it's still a struggle but now I have a goal to lose as much as I can before my foot surgery so I physically don't have pain...so far so good. You need to come to the end of the line where something just has to change. Coming back is the first step for sure! emoticon

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HEYITSLISA 7/14/2013 12:56AM

    EVERYONE gets off track (anyone that tells you differently is full of crap). Start over with the basics; track your food (and be honest! Even the bad stuff needs to be there!) and shoot for 10 minutes of exercise every day. Good habits are so hard to form, and bad habits have a way of just hanging around. It takes work but you need to convince yourself that you are worth it. Because you are.

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GRACEANNE46 7/14/2013 12:10AM

    When I started on Sparkpeople, reading the success stories of people who were the same age and start weight as me really helped. It allowed me to forgive myself and not feel like I was the only one struggling. Their example showed me that I could do it. You are also setting an example for us by sharing your struggle to get back on track. I think this is something we will all have to deal with. (I got off track for about a week in April and I realized that all the old thinking and feelings came right back.)

I agree with your mantra: Never, never, never give up, like ever ;-)

So Thanks for continuing to set a good example. You are kicking a$$ at getting back on track.
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SREESE219 7/13/2013 11:27PM

    SOMETIMES THE HELPER NEEDS HELP TOO.....IT'S OKAY FOR YOU ARE ONLY HUMAN AND NOT PERFECT.......THE HELPER CAN GET A LITTLE DOWN, OUT, & DISCOURAGED TOO.........THAT IS SIMPLY LIFE AND IT IS NOTHING WHAT SO EVER WRONG WITH IT.........YOU GOT A LITTLE OFF TRACK.....SO STEP BACK, GET A DIFFERENT PERSPECTIVE ON YOUR WIEGHTLOSS JOURNEY AND THEN "FORGIVE YOURSELF" AND GO BACK INTO IT WITH A DIFFERENT & MORE PRECISE OUTLOOK & PLAN................EVERYTHING WILL BE OKAY......I DON'T KNOW YOUR RELIGIOUS STATUS....BUT I KNOW IF YOU PUT GOD FIRST IN EVERYTHING YOU DO IT WILL WORK OUT IN THE END IN YOUR FAVOR NO MATTER THE CIRCUMSTANCES, UPS/DOWNS, GOOD DAYS OR BAD DAYS YOU GO THROUGH...................PICK YOUR HEAD BACK UP, START AGAIN, TREASURE LIFE EACH DAY, & TAKE ONE DAY AT A TIME.....ALSO DO THINGS A LITTLE DIFFERENT INSTEAD OF HELPING RIGHT NOW.......BE A RECIPIENT OF HELP FROM OTHERS FOR A CHANGE AND FOR A WHILE AND THE KEY TO SUCCESS ALOT OF TIME IS "SELF EVALUATION".........IT WILL ANSWER ALOT OF ?????? AND SOLVE A LOT OF PROBLEMS!!!! BE BLESSED & BE A BLESSING, AMENAMENAMEN/SHONIKA MARKEE:~} emoticon emoticon

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