Saturday, July 13, 2013
On Thursday afternoon, I headed down to see my parents for a couple of days. They're moving into their apartment (they've sold their house) and I agreed to help them take a few loads over in my truck before the movers get there (they charge by the hour and my parents wanted to do as much as they could by themselves. Understandable). So...on the way down, we have to drive through Atlanta, so a few days ago I bought Daughter and I tickets to see Vermeer's painting "Girl with a Pearl Earring." It's at the High Museum in Atlanta until September and I really wanted to see it. It's on a tour of about 6 US cities and then it will go back to The Hague in The Netherlands and they have no plans of re-releasing it any time soon. It was really incredible to see a true masterpiece. I've never experienced that before. I'm so glad we got to go. We went after 4pm on a Thursday and so our tickets were half-price. Also, because I'm an educator, I just happened to get 20% off my purchase at the gift shop, which was a lovely surprise!
So we go to the museum and then drive the rest of the way to my parents house. I had been very stressed about going because of my mother. She's just going insane lately because of the move and her OCD is in overdrive. She tends to be pretty neurotic about things anyway but throw a freakin' move into the mix and she is just unbearable. The last few times I've been down there, the visits have been exponentially more frustrating than the one before. So Dad and I spent all day loading the truck, driving it for a half an hour to their apartment, unloading the truck, driving back to the house, loading it up again, and so on. After a while my parents took us out to lunch, which was nice. They ordered extra food so we'd have something for dinner. Then we took more stuff over and even took a HEAVY (really heavy!) filing cabinet up to my dad's office. It was ridiculous.
Then after we all got home, mom is still working and working and she says something about how she has to wash this ice bucket but she'd wait until she got it to the apartment. I said, "Why? It's not dirty, is it?" She just went OFF. She said, "What difference does it make?! I'm not hurting anyone! It's no one's business!" I remained calm and just said, things like "Well, first of all I'm concerned about your health. You are doing unnecessary things, unnecessary work, etc. Also, when it affects me and everyone around you, it IS my business." She just kept flipping out and I kept my cool. She said she's sick and tired of having to explain herself to people. I said that I'd only mentioned it to her twice, so she didn't need to include me in that...and that if people keep bringing it up, maybe that means something. I told her she didn't need to be rude about it, I was just asking a question. She said she thought to demand an explanation and to press the issue when she is obviously uncomfortable was rude (which I wasn't doing and I told her that). I said, "No, I'm not being rude. Rude is being a guest in my home and telling me you 'just can't sit on my couch unless I put a sheet on it,' and rude is being a guest in my home and taking it upon yourself to clean my entire kitchen because you 'just can't stand it anymore.' THAT'S RUDE." Yes, she actually said those things to me in my home. She didn't say anything to that. This happened about 10 years ago and I've never said anything about it. At any rate...It was an extremely difficult conversation and at the end of it all, I just don't plan on visiting anymore. I'm done.
Part of the purpose in me going down was to get some furniture that my parents were giving us...stuff that's been handed down through my dad's family and now it's mine...which I am thrilled about, of course. But I know Dad will come visit. Mom says she "can't" come visit because I have cats and she "can't" because she "can't" ride in the car for four hours. But then she's supposedly got these plans now to start traveling with Dad now that their lives will be so much easier living in this apartment. That's one thing she kept repeating is that she's "doing all this and wanting to get into the apartment so things will be easier." But she's been this way my ENTIRE life. She is OCD. She is in denial. She refuses to believe she has any kind of problem, despite what people tell her. It's like hearing a junkie say, "if I can just make it 'til the end of the month, then I can quit. If I can just make it through the holidays, etc." Whatever the excuse du jour is. It's the same thing with her. She may have less to obsess over in an apartment, but she'll obsess just the same. She always has and always will. The end.
And I mean it. I'm done. If she wants to see us, she can come to us. Dad visits us all the time. It's her turn. I will even tell her that. That WE can't always be the ones to come down there when it's time to visit. That SHE needs to get her ass up here on occasion. When she says she "can't" and that "you know I can't make that drive," I'll say, "Oh really...I guess I thought when you said you and Dad were going to start traveling you were now up for car rides. My mistake." Seriously. I'm so done. And I miss Gramma so much today that I just about can't stand it. I want to hear her voice so badly. I've cried a few times today, just about that alone. What really burns me up is that after I reminded her of those two RUDE things she once said to me, she never did apologize about that. When we left to come home this morning, she never even said thank you for driving all that way and helping out. Yes, part of the reason I came was to get the furniture, but I spend an ENTIRE DAY helping and she didn't even say thank you....yet she thinks I'M rude.
Anyhoo. That's all for now. I'm physically and emotionally worn out. I'm going to relax and watch The Golden Girls.