What can I say....I'm trying!
This week was hard.
Sure, I started a new job with great potential, that is good for my family's schedule, etc. etc...but I (me myself and I) am having a hard time adjusting to life as I know it.
Crying at the drop of a hat
Change of appetite
I really don't feel like eating
Gettin flustered easily
Worrying constantly about money
even though we are aok - we pay our bills, our mortgage, etc... but still... it's a fine line sometimes...
Let's face it: I am in a mini-depression/mid-life crisis and I am absolutely no fun anymore. I have nothing witty to say.... I want things back as they were. I miss my past life (the people, the routine, my duties)... but that is never ever going to be ever again.. so despite all of "this" going on there really is not choice but to go through everything... day by day..
- Give the new routine a chance to settle in - 3 months is what my mother in law said. And she is right. Glad I am doing this work change while the kids are off from school and hanging at Daddy-Daycare (a.k.a. my hubby)
- give the change of schedule, duties, etc. a chance to sink in now that I am NOT in charge anymore = less responsibility really. Take it as a blessing. When I am off....I am OFF. I have to stop thinking about work and focus on family and the moment at hand. This is a hard thing to do for a "anal retentive schedule planner" like myself... but I have to at least try. The schedule is what it is... whatever new job I have, I have the same issues to deal with, so just deal already.
- give my husband a break - he listens, and that is good, but it also created pressure because he can't help in any way but what he is doing now... but I have a sister who will listen too, and she gets change a lot...she is a survivor of change in a way.... I have to lean on other people more. So I am going to.
- I need to focus on something just for my health...and I have neglected exercise before as a stress reliever...so today, that is stopping. I am going to use it to my advantage this time around. I have to. BAHAHAHA! Sure Anne, no pressure on yourself there at ALL you twit! There you go again! LOL But seriously... I have to or else I might combust. That is what it feels like.
Why am I on here with this mental confession of sorts? Well, because it's real. It is part of what is going on in MY world..and yes, it does and will affect my health/my maintenance over time if it is not addressed.
I have seen too many people get caught up in the undertow of just this scenario... and I am so sorry for them when I read about their plights... but I am so sorry, but I don't want to be like that either and I HAVE to take charge now because, let's be real here, noone else is going to except for myself.
Sounds like a lot of undo pressure, now, doesn't it? Meh...maybe. I like to think about it as more of an "awareness of the situation" that can be changed according to my actions.
LOL And part of that last sentence is the pot calling the kettle black because I have paths that I am terrified to go down because of lack of certainly/crippling fear factor.
The fear factor is another thing entirely. I have a bad case of Fear Factor going on here as well. It's a too much change, too soon, don't want to take a life risk without getting my feet under me, but I might be missing out if I don't do something right now but I know I can probably do it with minimal effort but the startup expense is holding me back kind of a thing. Basically deciding to earn side money as an independent consultant for a product. That's the big thing I am talking about. Stupid huh? Part of me is why not? The other is that I don't need to spend $$ but business is like that...you spend $$ to make money. I know that. But it's MY money and not someone else's that is the difference here. I work better with other people's money. It's their loss, not mine.
The long and short of it is that I need to give things a chance. Even if it's one thing at a time... one day at a time. To find joy in the now of today and not worry about things as much.
Funny, because I have thought of this process a lot like losing weight, especially in the last 2 days. It was a slow and multi-step process... and it took time and patience. I have to think like that more I guess...