Saturday, July 13, 2013
How can a person feel both at the same time I bet you are wondering? I have managed to make an art form out of this capability of feeling two distinct things over the years, especially when it comes to my husband and I. Today I realized I finally have officially lost 25 pounds! Something to be joyful about, celebrated! Of course when I ask my husband how I looked when I was dressed as he flew by me going into our room, without looking up he said fine. My step-son said I looked nice and he did at least look at me. I was wearing clothes I had not been able to wear for at least 3 to 4 years. When I told my daughter I lost 25 pounds her response took me completely by surprise. She said "Hey, you lost a small child!" Just what I wanted to hear that I lost enough weight that it could have been a person, had to laugh though because she was right, just really did not wanted it pointed out but do we ever want our flaws pointed out to us? I know that even though I have been sick, bronchitis, that I feel better about myself and I am happy with myself in that regard, that I am staying on track with , y life style change regardless of what my husband's disposition is or how "stressed" he gets or tries to make me, because this is about me and my life.
Our counters in our kitchen get messy because my husband piles all the mail up on it but never goes through it, I have cleaned it up over and over again, just last weekend our table was finally cleaned off but the counter was stacked again. We had come home from the flea market with fruits and veggies with little space to put things because nothing gets done unless I go through this stuff which is 95% his mail. I get frustrated because I put it on the table for him to go through which he does not and he just lets it sit and sit. He complains that he hates clutter and gets on everyone else, well basically me and my son - when my son lived with us, but he is one of the biggest reasons we have clutter in our house right now. Then if he does clean up stuff he throws away things that have sentimental value or cads and forgets that he did it. He used to clean out the car and throw away my cds, but his would never get lost or thrown away, before I married him never lost a single cd, after we married I have lost close to 40 or more, just from him "cleaning" out the car, which just had cad's in it, no food, no drinks, no paper, just cds. Now he can leave garbage in a car and it is okay but not me, it is like there are to sets of rules. I find bags from fast food places all the time that he forgets to take out that smell up the car, and I end up having to clean them up. I never leave that stuff in the car because I can't stand the smell it leaves, I guess he feels since he won't be driving that car the next day it doesn't matter. Who knows what he is thinking. Today when I complained about the counters being messy because the mail hasn't been gone through in so long he just gathered it up and threw it on the table and when I made a comment that I did not want the table cluttered again because it just got cleaned off I got a snide remark that I was being the way I was because I did not feel good. Not because it was the truth and this always happened basically I was being a bxxxx because I did not feel good. Which was not true. I just have the fact that I do something over and over again, then of course he brings up stuff he does trying to mitigate what I do and making what I do sound puny in comparison. I just stopped turned around and left and went to my room and told him that since I was not "feeling well" I would not subject him or the family to anymore of my comments. Then he tried to say that he said that after I said I was going to my room, which was not true so I had to remind him of the facts again and how it played out. He still tries to act like my mind is messed up from medication, I stopped taking that medication over two years ago and he still tries to play that card. He also started drinking as soon as we got home, which was 4:30. So now you can see how I can be mad at him, but happy about my weight! Compartmentalize I use to be an expert at it, we would fight on one of the kids birthdays and I would not let him bring that day down for them or me. I just let him pout, and boy does he pout. Ugg! Men!