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Not a good day


Friday, July 12, 2013

I came here to vent and cry, because my daughter is mad at me for her "failures". Her words not mine. She is an adult, not working (my fault too, but not sure how she thinks that.) I have encouraged her to apply and she has, but still it is my fault she is "Nowhere in her life" I am just sad today. I hate that she is mad at me and there is nothing i can do about it because I did nothing. She wants to go live with her dad who convinced her everything is my fault. I guess I am afraid she won't come see me. She has ADD and possibly asperger's syndrome. She doesn't always quite understand when she is hurtful. I guess I just needed a place to cry. I am just so sad about it all. emoticon
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MOVEBREN 9/19/2013 3:37PM

  My 17 yr. old son has ADHD and Asperger's. It has been an uphill fight since he was about 4. But the older he gets, the more progress he seems to make. It is so hard to get a child with these qualities to hear what you are saying. He has his own way of seeing things and it can be pretty frustrating at times. Please know you aren't alone.

I know you posted this a while back, so I would be interested in knowing if anything has changed in your situation.

Good luck!

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LDANIELS17 7/13/2013 10:03AM

    I'm so sorry to hear that. You are not to blame for her behavior. I hope you can come to a point where you understand that. It's perfectly normal and valid to feel sad about it. I'm sure she will come around soon. I would give you my shoulder to cry on if that would help you. Never give up on your own dreams and goals because someone else is giving you a difficult time. That was my own biggest downfall. Everytime one of my family, friends, kids or husband decided to treat me badly, I would use food as an escape instead of standing up for myself, going for a walk, or venting to a trusted friend. So many healthy alternatives to dealing with difficult situations and people. We just need to look for them. Keep you head held high and remember, your daughter WILL come around.
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GAYLLYNNE 7/13/2013 9:15AM

    I'm so sorry you are having such difficulties with your daughter. She has some challenges and that's never easy. My daughter was a horror for a while but she is not back. Often she would blame me and then blame her father (we are not together either). Take a deep breath, figure out what's best for her and know there is no easy answer. I wish you peace.

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FERRETLOVER1 7/13/2013 8:15AM

    I hope it helped to just vent and get it out! emoticon

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HIKING-4-ME 7/13/2013 7:21AM

    emoticon

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NANCYPAT1 7/13/2013 1:00AM

    (HUGS) you are in a challenging situation and you are probably just in need of a hug. Believe me when I say, that I have "been there done that". My son also has Aspergers' and many challenges. I also teach in a self contained middle school classroom where most of my students are on the spectrum and their parents are convinced that "THEIR CHILD" is perfect and the teacher (ME) is to blame for everything. Take a deep breath and take a few minutes to decide what would work for YOU in this situation and then see if you can find a way to find peace. Letting your daughter go live with her father may or may not be the right decision, only you know. BUT, you need to know that doing that does NOT mean you lose her. My son went to live with his father and it didn't work very well, he then lived on his own, sometimes in a mission, but NOW as a MUCH older man, lives with me, and is productive, caring, and truly someone I am proud of. Sometimes we simply have to trust our precious children to God's care and let them discover the realities of the world they live in. (HUGS)

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TUPPERWARE1 7/12/2013 11:42PM

    a butterfly wish well said.my friends daughter was doing the dad is better trick.you need to let her go.she will become wiser and realize how great and smart you are.our middle child did this with her baby.oh I cried.now she is with a super guy 3 years later.gd is doing excellent too.
younger dd here is pouting here bc she does not want to pay back concert money to the friend she was to buy tickets.i feel for u.

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ABUTTERFLYWISH 7/12/2013 9:21PM

    It is so hard to deal with a family member who is in that state of mind where everything is everyone elses fault but their own. Even with her issues, she still knows better! It really sounds like shes blaming you so that youll be upset enough to send her to live with her dad so that she doesnt have to choose for herself! It is up to you what you do on that account. If shes an adult and wants to go live with him, it might be good to allow her to for a little bit. I believe that shell find out that it isnt all roses there at all and that Mom understands a lot better than Dad ever will!

That being said.....You are not the blame for her issues. Dont allow her to blame you and please dont take the blame on yourself! You have you to take care of and to strengthen within and shell have to learn to take on her own problems. Allowing her to not only blame you, but taking on the pain of it yourself is just putting you down. Would you allow a person off the street to walk up to you and say those things? If not, dont allow her either! Its hard to stand up to your family but you dont do them any favors by enabling her to put the blame on you!

You are important!! You deserve happiness and peace and dont allow anyone...no matter who they are...to take that from you! emoticon



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