Friday, July 12, 2013
Guess it is only so bad since for a change I have no appetite at all instead of wanting to eat everything i can get my hands on!
Last night Dad was in a very bad mood. He deserves a bad mood, but he was angry and taking it out on the cognitive therapists. He was balking at working and said plenty of people recover from strokes and so would he. Possibly true, but he doesn't realize he has to do the work to get there! He said they make him feel like an idiot and I'm sure he does when he messes up on cognitive tests. He's a very proud man. I just stood there and cried. I told him they were only trying to help and he said they just wanted him to do stuff he knew how to do. I said he hadto proove it and he got really mad at me. I'm sure he has fogotten being mad at me already, but I haven't.
Then, my nephew called to say he felt it would be too much of a problem for him to come home and that if it was OK with me he would stay in CT. It is not OK with me. I wanted to be with him for his 13th birthday and take him to the concert. But, I'm not going to put any kind of guilt trip on him. I told him it was entirely his choice on what he wanted to do and that I loved him. He said he loves me and thanks. I think his aunts are planning to take him to Maine too and that is a trip he is really looking forward to. I just want him to be happy. We can celebrate his birthday when he gets home. That is, if he does get any time with us before school goes back. I admit that I am very sad and have had a difficult night and a difficult day. The depression seems overwhelming at times. Sometimes I really do think i want to give up altogether, but something won't let me.
I'm sad, so sad!
But, I'll get thru it. I always do. My Grandmother and even at times my mom would play that guilt card and i always hated it! I don't want my nephew to know that kind of feeling from me. He knows how much I love him. I know how much he loves me. I'm just very disappointed. I was hoping tomeet up with a dear Spark Friend on my trip too! Alas!
It is very rainy here. It sucks.
My blood sugar has been way high and that is not good. My pump was not hooked in correctly today and that is why, plus the stress.
I wish I could curl up and go to sleep for a long, long time, but I'd have to wake up one day and it would all be the same.
It is all too much some days. Thanks for allowing me to rant! I need this writing time and I need your support! Thanks!