Friday, July 12, 2013
I haven't been active here in so long. I just gave up I think. It's depressing.
Life has been crazy busy, but that's only an excuse when it comes to keeping on track. I hate excuses. So the truth is I've dropped the ball on my program. And I'm not even sure I want to start over. I know it's about picking yourself up when you fall, but the I now know what it takes to lose the weight, and I'm not sure I want to commit to that much effort. Ugh.
My middle daughter joined swim team this summer. They actually start before school is out, every afternoon. Then when school is out every morning at 7am. It took me a month before I realized I could go for a walk while she was practicing. So I did. I loved it, it was beautiful, on a trail that felt like I was walking in the woods. But swim team is over. And I don't live near there. I tell myself i need to keep it up, to find another way to accomplish that walk. But I have no solution as of yet, and I don't seem to have the energy to find one. Ugh.
My sister in law passed away a few days before Memorial Day. She was 50. She was in good health. A blood clot was in her leg and it broke loose and she died within minutes. She was my husband's older sister. It was devastating. We had to help his parents (who are in their 80's) clean out her condo, after my hubs spent a very stressful week making funeral plans. It was an incredibly painful time for our family. Ugh.
Both our older girls (11 and 16) have gone on separate mission trips through our church. Great opportunities to travel, and to learn to help others. One worked in a community garden and a food bank, packing food. The other is currently in Tacoma working on building houses for habitat for humanity. I'm so proud of them both, and happy they are learning to volunteer, which I think is important. But that said, it throws our routines off at home - I am doing more chores (which sounds selfish I suppose on my part), but it means I have less time for me. I know, excuses. Ugh.
On some brighter notes. We did get to DisneyWorld. Had loads of fun. We are going camping end of this month also. Trying to make up for no vacation last year I guess.
So for the past 6 months I have maintained my weight. I am down about 20 pounds from my high when I started here. But I am UP from the all time low of having lost almost 50 pounds. So in black and white, that means I gained 30 pounds again!! Ugh. Really, double ugh.
I know I need to consistently exercise. And I know I need to eat healthily consistently also. I am doing neither of those things. I'm not sure I want to commit to the time spark requires. Because daily or even weekly blogging takes away from other things I want to do. But I also know it's the accountability that helps make me successful. I have thought of joining a challenge again, but boy they take a lot of time.
So I'm wallowing. I'm sitting on the fence. I'm stuck. I cannot seem to find the motivation to move forward, and I'm hoping against hope that I don't fall back anymore. I sure wish I could find the energy and desire to kick myself in the butt.