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    MHINTZ0929   71,608
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Friday's Joke of the Day


Friday, July 12, 2013

How to give a cat a pill.
1. Pick up the cat and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.
2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left Arm and repeat process.
3. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm, holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.
4. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws, ignore growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold cat's head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.
5. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.
6. Wrap cat in a large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with cat's head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of a drinking straw, force cat's mouth open with pencil and blow down straw.
7. Check label to make sure pill is not harmful to humans, drink a beer to take away the taste. Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from the carpet with soap and water.
8. Tie the little angelís front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of the dining table. Find heavy pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of fillet steak. Be rough about it. Hold head vertical and pour 2 pints of water down cat's throat to wash down pill.
9. Consume remainder of scotch. Get spouse to drive you to the A&E, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill from your eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order a new table.
10. Arrange for RSPCA to collect the mutant cat from hell and ring local pet shop to see whether they have any hamsters.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post:
PMAY0313 7/14/2013 12:11PM

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DESERTDREAMERS 7/13/2013 10:47AM

    Always a funny story emoticon

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PATRICIAAK 7/13/2013 10:38AM

    Fortunately, my cat is easier to get to cooperate

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ARTJAC 7/12/2013 11:58PM

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BECKYSFRIEND 7/12/2013 9:53PM

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ANHELIC 7/12/2013 6:24PM

    Or, you can have a cat like mine, who jumped on my bed at 7am, taps me on the arm, sits and waits for her pill. I slightly open her mouth and put it down her through. She remains waiting for her treat while my other two come to get their treats because Ginger got a treat for taking her pill. We repeat the whole thing in the evening around 10pm with her second heart pill. See, no bits, scratches, stresses, just one lovely Calico who knows what comes after her pill.
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WALLAHALLA 7/12/2013 6:24PM

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SHOAPIE 7/12/2013 1:44PM

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JIMDAB 7/12/2013 1:21PM

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PATTISTAMPS 7/12/2013 1:00PM

    I have seen this before, and still have to read it to the end and laugh all the way through!

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PJMOMMATO3 7/12/2013 11:59AM

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GAYLE-G-63 7/12/2013 10:09AM

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