Friday, July 12, 2013
Due to a message board thread about organization, I was inspired and tackled a room a day for a week. Basically I decluttered my house. With the sorting of keep and throw (charity, etc), I waded through a lot of momentoes and photographs. Comparing pictures, I cannot reconcile the thin, carefree 19 year old with the heavy, puffy 22 - 42 year old woman.
I feel anger and regret for not living my life. I read somewhere that fat is dreams in storage. Does this ring true with me? I have spent so many wasted years hiding and making excuses. I feel grief for my lost years. I can only cling to the idea that I battled an undiagnosed but crippling mental illness as the reason for this waste.
After the collapse of my marriage, I had to wade out of the anguish for my children. I am now on a re-discovery journey and I feel the fear but do it anyway! Before I was 40, I had never been in a plane. Now I am 42 and I have visited Europe twice ( I live in Australia). I have changed my career and I hope I make a difference to my community.
I still want that 19 year old back so I can tell her a few truths. Whilst the regret is palpable, I must embrace my current situation and continue looking after myself.