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Friday, July 12, 2013

Due to a message board thread about organization, I was inspired and tackled a room a day for a week. Basically I decluttered my house. With the sorting of keep and throw (charity, etc), I waded through a lot of momentoes and photographs. Comparing pictures, I cannot reconcile the thin, carefree 19 year old with the heavy, puffy 22 - 42 year old woman.

I feel anger and regret for not living my life. I read somewhere that fat is dreams in storage. Does this ring true with me? I have spent so many wasted years hiding and making excuses. I feel grief for my lost years. I can only cling to the idea that I battled an undiagnosed but crippling mental illness as the reason for this waste.

After the collapse of my marriage, I had to wade out of the anguish for my children. I am now on a re-discovery journey and I feel the fear but do it anyway! Before I was 40, I had never been in a plane. Now I am 42 and I have visited Europe twice ( I live in Australia). I have changed my career and I hope I make a difference to my community.

I still want that 19 year old back so I can tell her a few truths. Whilst the regret is palpable, I must embrace my current situation and continue looking after myself.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    I used to think that I should never regret anything in my life, but now I think regret is a useful thing. I regret mistakes I have made and things undone, and it inspires me not to make those mistakes again.

    You are making the most of your life now, and I hope you don't experience any more loss of opportunity.
    1660 days ago
  • DALMOM2007
    I'm of the mentality of what is done is done. The only reason to look into the past is to learn from your mistakes. I live my life more in the "now". I'm starting to also think more about the future and what my new goals should be.

    You need to Look at all the great changes you've already made:
    Flying to Europe....TWICE emoticon
    Changed your career...that's a big one! emoticon
    Training for a Charity run emoticon
    All the weight you have already lost! emoticon

    You have already achieved so much and there are so many more things to explore and do in life. Most importantly, have fun doing them. Keep moving forward. emoticon

    1700 days ago
    I guess we can only accept ourselves, and love ourselves now.
    I feel the same as you with wasted years. I wish I would have done things different, but we can't relive those years.

    Big emoticon
    1704 days ago
    This helped me-- someone told me the only way to make peace with things was to accept them. That is not the same as liking them. Accept them. Accept yourself. Forgive everything and one you can--including yourself. Choose to be happy. I would be lying if I didn't admit I struggle with this. I do. Almost daily. On the days I succeed I have a different outlook and fewer regrets. On the days I don't well... Sorrow prevails... We are what where we came from. What we experienced. Who we knew. Everyday is a chance to say this is who I am right now. I am awesome.

    Try not to regret the things that have passed but to embrace the joy that awaits you.

    I hope that I have not over stepped. I AM cheering for you.
    1709 days ago
    I try to see it like this: the time I spent hiding and being depressed helped make me the happier, healthier person I am today. If I didn't have that to compare things to, would I appreciate it as much? Regret gets us nowhere-but this very minute, we can decide we deserve better. I think of all the things I hid from behind my fat--but, no more!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    1709 days ago
    1709 days ago
    well done on what you have achieved and I like the thought about rediscovery. emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon m
    1709 days ago
    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1710 days ago
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