Thursday, July 11, 2013
I hung out with my friend Paul yesterday, and I did not feel the connection that I used to.
I couldn't put my finger on it until I was talking with a friend about it and she said "maybe it is because you don't do drugs together anymore"
She hit the nail on the head. Our friendship was based on our mutual desire to get wasted. A typical Cortney and Paul night was to take a few vicodin, xanax and somas that were washed down with jack daniels and coke. On the way to wherever we were going (bar or bonfire at someone's house) we would smoke a joint. Once we were at the destination we would smoke more pot and drink more.
I am not proud of this. I am lucky I am not dead. It was stupid, reckless, and asinine behavior, but I didn't think about that. I only cared about getting wasted on whatever I could to fill the void in my life that was missing.
When I met my boyfriend, that void was filled, and I stopped doing all of it, except maybe a drink or two on occasion. Paul didn't stop and he still leads the same life that we did 5 years ago.
Before we could even go anywhere, he had to go to his brother's house to get high. They offered me, and I declined. I don't have any interest in it anymore. It isn't my thing. I would rather get my high at the gym.
Don't get me wrong, I still love Paul and he is still very dear to me, but I just don't feel that connection that I used to. We used to sit in my old Jeep in the middle of the woods, smoke pot and listen to music until the sun came up. *sigh*
Anyway, Coach Tony killed me at PC Fit tonight! I don't even know what to say! It was awesome! I did the best that I could. THAT girl was in my class tonight - you know which one I am talking about... the pretty blonde, tan one with big boobs and a perfect everything? The girl who goes through the workout flawlessly and doesn't break a sweat? Yup... she was in my class tonight... Next to her I feel like an out of shape cow... but pretty soon, next to me, she is going to feel like one! Ok, maybe not, but I can hope? She is actually really nice.
I have a perfect summer day planned for tomorrow.
Spend the day at the lake
Steaks for dinner
go out for an ice cream cone
I hope everyone has a good night!