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Don't Believe Everything You Think

Thursday, July 11, 2013

Fellow SparkBuddy SEPTEMBERSPIRIT wrote a great blog touching on this idea and it hit such a note with me that I wanted to share it with my own SparkBuddies.
How many times do we on this journey believe everything we think? More and more, I’m beginning to see that I’m my own worst enemy when it comes to losing weight and keeping it off. I’m sure I’m not alone when I self-sabotage myself, when I belittle even the smallest ounce of progress I’ve made. I’ve got major self-love issues and I’m well aware of it. I know when it started, why it started and why I continue to do it. It’s just the way it’s always been and quite frankly, I don’t know any different. Not only am I trying to change my body, I’m also trying to re-wire my mind. For so long I’ve told myself that I was never good enough, never smart enough, never thin enough and never pretty enough. Now, in my adult hood I’ve got to pick of the pieces and try to carve out a more positive exsistence for myself which is proving to be very difficult. The weight didn’t go on overnight, it took years. Why am I punishing myself for not making heaps and bound in almost 2 years on this journey? I’ve always been the overachiever, always wanted to be the best so it’s not surprising that I brought this thinking with me when I decided to try and lose weight (for the umpteenth time). For me, weight loss and weight maintenance isn’t going to be a quick thing. It’s hard to type this, to realize this but I must accept it. I’m reminded of the very famous Sparker POOKASLAUGH who at one point lost only 1lb or so a month but never gave up. She amazed me with her drive, and I thought to myself, “Man, how does she keep it up?” As my BRITT831 often tells me, life gets in the way and life isn’t going to stop because I’m trying to lose weight or get to 1,000 fitness minutes. People die, jobs get stressful, friends act crazy, you miss your fiancee and money issues never seem to go away.

What has my negative thinking ever done for me? It’s made me sad, jealous, depressed, anxious, envious and worst of all, it has driven me to hate parts of myself. Not just physically, but mentally. What a waste of energy! I want a better life, a better exsistence. I want to look back on my life when I’m an old woman and smile that I really enjoyed it, smiled a lot. Okay, so what am I saying all of this for? Perhaps I’m beginning to get some mental clarity, which I’m totally grateful for. Perhaps I’m trying to find out why I’m so mean to myself, why I never think I’m good enough. I think it’s a mixture of things, but I do know that I am sick and tired of hating myself and belittling myself. It’s ridiculous. It’s uncessary. It’s stunts my growth. I know I won’t always feel this way, that there will be days when I feel like absolute crap. There will be days when I feel like I’m not skinny enough, not smart enough and not worthy of even the kindest of attentions from anyone I come across. But the reality is, I am. I truly am. I deserve a good life. I deserve to laugh. I deserve to feel love. I deserve to be cared about. I am pretty. I am skinny enough (doesn’t hurt to improve though, ha!). You get what I’m saying. I will work on each and every day of my life, to improve my self-love, improve my barbarous idea that I deserve nothing good in this world and will ever amount to anything. I’ve got a long way to go on this journey, and if it takes me a year or more to get back to my original maintenance range then so be it. If I was able to put on so much weight over 26 years of life, how can I expect to get it off in less than 1? It’s prepostorus, laughable. I’ve got to take it easy on myself, I’ve got to treat myself better. One day at a time I will work on this, I will work on being a happier me. I deserve it. That negative Miss B in the back of my head will always be talking, in fact, she LOVES to talk, but I can tune her out and keep on steppin’. I give myself permission to take as long as I need to as long as I continue to make progress, continue to work on being happy, continue to work on my fitness.

I don’t have to believe EVERYTHING I think.

Here’s to happier, fitter days, one at a time.

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    And then I just stopped 'thinking' all together... :-)

    an empty mind=a full heart

    a full mind=an empty heart

    love you girl!
    1713 days ago
  • LORI2562
    I too, sabatoging myself. This is something that I have been working on changing too. Reading your blog makes me realize that I need to continue to work on it and make it a priority. Thanks for sharing - you are very motivating.
    1714 days ago
    Love this blog! I can relate so much!
    1714 days ago
    Eloquently put hun. Brava!!! Print this out, highlight the POSITIVE, SELF LOVING WORDS, and post it up on ur mirror so u can read it every day.....


    I love you, hunny!
    1714 days ago
  • BINGO24
    What a wonderful blog entry! You are not alone in feeling this way. Not by a long shot. Even people who are so much older than you (me) still allow negative thinking sabotage our happiness. We are bombarded with unrealistic images and ideas that no one can live up to. Add to that, criticism by family and friends, and some of us have trouble keeping a positive self image.

    I used to say that every person has a talent. By that I did not necessarily mean for art or music or sports which are areas in which we most often think of talent. There are wonderful people in this world who seem to have no visible talents and yet they do. Each of us is a unique human being and each of us has been blessed in some way. Learning how to appreciate our individual talents and forget about those superficial things can go a long way toward learning to love oneself.

    I love how open and honest you are in these blogs. We already know that you have a wonderful musical talent, but you also have a wonderful talent for connecting to people and a wisdom beyond your years.. Miss B, you do not even realize how often your blogs speak to me and speak for me. Thank you! emoticon

    Spark love and emoticon Nancy
    1714 days ago

    Comment edited on: 7/11/2013 1:38:50 PM
    Hurray for you because its what I learned early on that I'm the person in charge of this body.Im in charge nobody or nothing can stop me from achieving my goals.People can influence me but I am the one responsible for myself.I taught myself self LOVE.Negativity only ruins us from day to day.So I lost weight YAY but,I gained weight BOO?No Yay for trying?My body is a wonderful thing that's healthy and amazes me!Im proud of you and me!! emoticon
    1714 days ago
    Hear! Hear! Wow. Preach it MISSB! You are amazing!
    1714 days ago
    Look at all that wonderful wisdom you've gleaned...and you are so YOUNG! So add "very wise" to that list of beliefs *I* believe you should harbor emoticon I've also sometimes had a tough time discerning between my feelings and my thoughts; the latter usually precede the former for me. I have to have that thought first, and then I develop a feeling about it.

    You are a radiant, beautiful woman - it's patently obvious! You also live in a city and work in an art (which is, in turn, a business) where talent, beauty, and energy level are the qualities which bring success to those in this business - when you add a generous helping of luck and good timing to the mix. I wonder if it isn't part and parcel of that business and its heavy emphasis on those qualities which all impel you to be so unrealistically self-critical...

    No, you don't have to be in a hurry to lose weight. I'm living proof - I was 59 when I finally lost weight for good. It feels terrific, but I'm *also* sorry that in so many respects, I put parts of my life on hold for too long. Don't let that happen to you. You deserve only the best! Susan
    1714 days ago
    Self sabatoge, story of my life! Beautiful blog, it really spoke to me. So true. Thank you for sharing!
    1714 days ago
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