Fellow SparkBuddy SEPTEMBERSPIRIT wrote a great blog touching on this idea and it hit such a note with me that I wanted to share it with my own SparkBuddies.
How many times do we on this journey believe everything we think? More and more, Iím beginning to see that Iím my own worst enemy when it comes to losing weight and keeping it off. Iím sure Iím not alone when I self-sabotage myself, when I belittle even the smallest ounce of progress Iíve made. Iíve got major self-love issues and Iím well aware of it. I know when it started, why it started and why I continue to do it. Itís just the way itís always been and quite frankly, I donít know any different. Not only am I trying to change my body, Iím also trying to re-wire my mind. For so long Iíve told myself that I was never good enough, never smart enough, never thin enough and never pretty enough. Now, in my adult hood Iíve got to pick of the pieces and try to carve out a more positive exsistence for myself which is proving to be very difficult. The weight didnít go on overnight, it took years. Why am I punishing myself for not making heaps and bound in almost 2 years on this journey? Iíve always been the overachiever, always wanted to be the best so itís not surprising that I brought this thinking with me when I decided to try and lose weight (for the umpteenth time). For me, weight loss and weight maintenance isnít going to be a quick thing. Itís hard to type this, to realize this but I must accept it. Iím reminded of the very famous Sparker POOKASLAUGH who at one point lost only 1lb or so a month but never gave up. She amazed me with her drive, and I thought to myself, ďMan, how does she keep it up?Ē As my BRITT831 often tells me, life gets in the way and life isnít going to stop because Iím trying to lose weight or get to 1,000 fitness minutes. People die, jobs get stressful, friends act crazy, you miss your fiancee and money issues never seem to go away.
What has my negative thinking ever done for me? Itís made me sad, jealous, depressed, anxious, envious and worst of all, it has driven me to hate parts of myself. Not just physically, but mentally. What a waste of energy! I want a better life, a better exsistence. I want to look back on my life when Iím an old woman and smile that I really enjoyed it, smiled a lot. Okay, so what am I saying all of this for? Perhaps Iím beginning to get some mental clarity, which Iím totally grateful for. Perhaps Iím trying to find out why Iím so mean to myself, why I never think Iím good enough. I think itís a mixture of things, but I do know that I am sick and tired of hating myself and belittling myself. Itís ridiculous. Itís uncessary. Itís stunts my growth. I know I wonít always feel this way, that there will be days when I feel like absolute crap. There will be days when I feel like Iím not skinny enough, not smart enough and not worthy of even the kindest of attentions from anyone I come across. But the reality is, I am. I truly am. I deserve a good life. I deserve to laugh. I deserve to feel love. I deserve to be cared about. I am pretty. I am skinny enough (doesnít hurt to improve though, ha!). You get what Iím saying. I will work on each and every day of my life, to improve my self-love, improve my barbarous idea that I deserve nothing good in this world and will ever amount to anything. Iíve got a long way to go on this journey, and if it takes me a year or more to get back to my original maintenance range then so be it. If I was able to put on so much weight over 26 years of life, how can I expect to get it off in less than 1? Itís prepostorus, laughable. Iíve got to take it easy on myself, Iíve got to treat myself better. One day at a time I will work on this, I will work on being a happier me. I deserve it. That negative Miss B in the back of my head will always be talking, in fact, she LOVES to talk, but I can tune her out and keep on steppiní. I give myself permission to take as long as I need to as long as I continue to make progress, continue to work on being happy, continue to work on my fitness.
I donít have to believe EVERYTHING I think.
Hereís to happier, fitter days, one at a time.