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Well, that didn't last long...

Wednesday, July 10, 2013

I am now in the middle of a forced week of rest, following some physical symptoms that are leading to more tests and, yes, a suspicion that there may be cancer again. This is the fourth (4th!) cancer scare I've had since the new year, and I'm getting mighty tired of it.

It comes back to a blog I wrote a while ago, where I realized that although I do know and rely upon the Serenity Prayer, I have yet to find the "wisdom to know the difference". I have no sense whatsover of when I should push myself, when I should rest, how to measure and count my "spoons".

So while I'm off this week, I'm re-reading my previous blogs and trying to identify some way forward that will take me through the ups and downs. As it is, it's been two steps forward and one step back (or worse!). This is exhausting and has got to stop.

If anyone has any ideas out there, I'm more than happy to listen!
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    A wise friend blogged today a poem:


    What dictates our circumstances?
    Do we make the same mistakes,
    Trust the same plausible scoundrels
    And fall into the same traps
    Because of what we did
    Or did not
    Learn before?
    If we are destined to pay for mistakes
    From the last life
    In this one,
    Let us make it a game
    To give one hundred percent
    Of ourselves
    This time around
    While trying to remember the lessons
    For the next turn…
    The difference here and now could be

    It IS hard to know when to rest and when to push. Especially when things keep changing. It IS hard to know what the right thing to do is when no one knows the right thing to do. I can't change my weight today, but I can change a behaviour. I can't change that I might have cancer, but I can change how I view it. Maybe there is nothing you can DO. No perfect food or right amount of rest or right amount of exercise. Maybe this is going to happen. Nothing you can do. The serenity prayer is a wonderful tool to help us give our lives over to God to look after. When nothing we do is working. I don't want to say "don't fight". But maybe... there is nothing you can do... until you find out more information. Maybe it is not what you can do but what others can do. What I want to do is hug you and tell you that YOU MATTER. YOU ARE LOVED. YOU ARE WORRIED ABOUT and CARED ABOUT. I know that you have always done everything you and DH can think of, everything you have been told to do. Maybe right now there is nothing more to do. And that, is OK. You might be "at the bottom" and the only thing you can do now is trust God.

    You know I don't really know what you need to hear. I don't know the answers. emoticon Sucks. Watch some utube videos... something mindless. Find a hammock and read some poetry. Are you eating chocolate yet? GF choclate breakfast cupcakes made from ground almonds and coconut oil and eggs... ask me for the recipe if you can eat these. I wish I could hug you right now. I listened to an audio book about a girl with cancer... it was very funny. I will find out the name. Got it from the library. I wonder if you have cancer if you can get on the front of the line to rent audio books? There must be SOME benefits. Thinking of you both. Justyna
    1711 days ago
    You do know that cancer loves sugar and that is what makes it grow. Just put in the search engine cancer and sugar and you will find that it likes and needs sugar to grow! I tried to tell that to my husband and he did listen to me but did not like that he had to give up all grains and his treats and the cancer and chemo killed him.
    1713 days ago
    I, for one, sincerely hope all is well.
    1713 days ago
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