Tuesday, July 09, 2013
Okay, so we all know my parents have been gone for 3 weeks, and the eminent invasion of the retired persons in Jacksonville, FL is scheduled for Sunday...early evening. (poop! that means I have to cook... or order Chinese or Pizza). This totally means that all the bad habits I have been exercising and not EXORCISING must come to an end (for the interim).
I say for the interim because my lovely Mommy and Daddy are headed back on the road in about 2 weeks after they come home. Come home, pay their bills, and head back out to visit my mother's sister in LA who has been kicking ass in her fight against ovarian cancer. She is getting tired and they are running out of trials, but she says she feels pretty good right now. She's been fighting for more than 4 years. I think closer to 6 years, really! It's kind of like they said "She's got 6 months" and it seems like that was not so long ago. Just goes to show you can't kill my family off easily!
When they leave LA, they will go next door to my uncle Jack and my fabulous aunt Kathy's home in Texas - they have never been there. My Aunt Kathy is the one who keeps saying I will get married when I am 41 to a man with 6 kids (thank goodness I have been spayed!), and she is just in LOVE with my parents. My uncle Jack was in the Navy like my Dad and he is the only other brother that "got out" of the welfare town I was born in. His other brothers are still living in the VERY SMALL DAIRY town, and only the youngest has a personality AND all his ducks in a row. One brother has his own shop but is an alcoholic, and the final brother is a recovering alcoholic and compulsive liar. Oh, they have a sister... she had a million children and hatches chicken eggs in her oven and that's all I have to say about her. (My dad would totally agree with me as well!) Needless to say, it's nice to visit and nicer to come home.
Anyway! Here's the list of fun/bad things I have to STOP in the next 5 days:
- Drinking at 3pm. Dad insists I wait until 5pm. I bought him a 12-pack and its still here a month later (I have only had 3 whiskey nights since they left, & they have been VERY tame).
- Laying out topless. Mom would both surely frown on that, and who wants their Dad to see their boobies. YECHT!
- Walking around in clothes that are either so old they are wearing through but I love them anyway and will only retire them if absolutely necessary, or
- Walking around in clothes too tight, because once again, who wants their Dad to see their boobies!
- Walking around in pajamas all week and deciding getting dressed is not so important after all (but not the SAME pair all week! Again, YECHT!)
- Only vacuuming once a week & I haven't even swept the kitchen floor since they left!
- Only surviving on lettuce, fruits, veggies, and diced already-cooked chicken (Tyson).
- Drinking my SUPER BLACK, CAFFEINATED coffee that looks like oil until 3pm. That's when I switch to whisky and Diet Pepsi or straight water.
- Singing out loud in the house, dancing around like a retard, and generally having a blast... but the kind of blast you can only have when there are ZERO WITNESSES.
- Doing whatever I want, whenever I want to do it.
- I will have to stop talking to the dogs so much... my parents will have me committed.
Anyway, before you judge or comment on my tight clothing or general lack of clothing during my "staycation", let me add that I have been working on myself. I am taking pictures of myself in a bra and panties every week so I can see WHERE I really am. So the wandering around topless or in short PJ shorts, has been "exposure therapy". I am trying to make myself comfortable with myself in all ways. Naked happens to be the one thing I NEVER DO. Heck, I had sex for 15 years with a shirt on so no one would see me naked. Therefore, while everyone has been gone, I have been getting reacquainted with me, my body, and what I should be ashamed of, and what is just me and I need to get used to it or FIX IT. I don't know if everyone overweight does this, but I have a picture of me in my head that is NOT reality, so I am exposing myself to get to know myself. And I have to admit that this is the first week I have been okay leaving the bathroom without a towel wrapped all the way around me (and the bathroom opens to my bedroom only). Anyway, I thought there would be questions about it, so I am addressing it here. I am just a little afraid that I will be "over-liberated" and never want to wear clothes again! HAHA! It really is freeing!
Anyway, nudie town is at my house for the rest of the week and I am going to milk it and enjoy every minute of it before my bubble of solitude is busted and I have to remember that it's not only the dogs listening to everything I say, but those "sneaky kids" who are always listening when you think they aren't (think Marmaduke, people! And I may need to build myself a cabin out back so I can enjoy some more privacy!)
Peace, Love, and "Northern Exposure",