I’ve been on this long and winding road of a journey for a while now, to be exact 2 years and 6 months give or take a few days. I have had my ups and my downs, just like every normal person who decides to empower themselves and change their life.
I’ve been very fortunate to have gained much more than I lost and by all accounts I have lost a lot. I have quite literally lost a person. I have the picture to post to prove it.
142 lbs later, I’m a new person. I truly mean that. I have been very lucky to have achieved many feats that I never even thought about putting on a bucket list. There have been 5k’s and mud races, 2 half marathons, new clothes, popular blogs and now an article with a photo shoot.
How cool does that sound? Really cool, right? It is really an honor to have been chosen as a person who could inspire another person to get off the couch and put the doughnut down and finally dare to dream of a life they are scared they never can have. You know what? You can have it, but you have to do the work, sweat the sweat and make the tough choices. In the end it will be worth it.
However, I don’t want to mislead you and tell you that the road ends and life becomes this perfect Disney fairy tale with happily ever after, because frankly, it doesn’t.
I’m writing this today not to be a Debbie Downer but to let you know that everything you go through is normal, it’s how you deal with it that will make you or break you. I have lost the weight, I am a “normal size”, heck some even think I am a small size. I am a size 4/6. I am smaller than I even had a goal of becoming. That doesn’t make everything perfect.
Me at the shoot (self picture :))
I was nervously excited for this photo shoot and the day was really nice. I had a fabulous team. They treated me like a star. I had my own stylist who poked and prodded and clipped into the perfect fit. I had a makeup artist and hair stylist that groomed me into a woman I hadn’t seen in a while and all the while they told me how great I was. I mean everyone needs a day like that. The photographer was patient with me (I am so not a natural model) and directed me into pose after pose. They all looked at the screen and told me how awesome I looked and how great the pictures were.
I walked off the set and looked at the girl on the screen and proceeded to find every fault there ever could be.
Me after the shoot
My face was round (which is ridiculous because my face is actually fairly thin)
My knees were fat.
My butt was huge.
Negative self talk proceeded. I couldn’t see the success that I am, and I am a success. You see after losing that weight and working so hard, that is the one thing I won’t even allow myself to take away from me. Yesterday I couldn’t find anything right with the photos. Today, I have remembered who I am and who I have become. It’s funny the makeup artist said you just changed the outside…. But honestly, I changed the inside. I was never a bad person, but I wasn’t the person I am now.
I am no longer scared to try. The girl that I used to be would never have allowed her start weight to be published let alone put a picture of her entire body up. This girl, no matter how scary it seems, is doing just that. The old Chelle would never think she could run, this Chelle knows that she can only get better. The old Chelle rarely finished what she started; this Chelle won’t stop until she’s done.
Don’t worry about where you are going to end up and when you are going to get there; enjoy this moment that you are in. Enjoy the control, the determination that you have right this very second. Reflect on it and memorize the feeling. Now that you’ve done that, when you think you need that pizza or you think you can go for the walk or do the workout, remember that feeling that you just had and do it anyway. Because you will never regret not eating the hamburger or dessert and you will probably never regret the walk. If I can’t inspire you to do anything else, be inspired to believe.