Tuesday, July 09, 2013
Yesterday I posted my blog about the joy of being normal. This is a new concept for me when it comes to food and exercise because I have teetered on the edge of disordered eating/exercise many times. I have plunged into clean eating and the like several times. I have drooled over Shakeology. I have forced myself into many different molds trying to obtain that status of virtuosity. I mean really let's face it, dieting is virtuous, right? I know in the past it felt like a socially acceptable thing to say, "no thanks, I can't eat that it has too many calories... or isn't clean... or has too many carbs... or ____________." It is like that right of passage for a women to be in that fold. It is unladylike to stuff a greasy burger in her face and down a soda after and God forbid, enjoy some french fries.
No, it is more socially acceptable for a woman to daintily eat her salad and unsweetened iced tea or lemon water.
I am done with the socially acceptable, lady like behavior. I refuse to force myself into that position again. Ever. Fact of the matter is this: I need calories. I need food. I need fuel for my body so I can sustain it on a daily basis and fuel the hell out of my workouts. Yes, I lose slower than others, but facing facts, I would much rather lose at a snail's pace and know that the weight will stay off instead of losing a lot in a short amount of time only to see it come back on.
This whole mindset of feeling normal when it comes to food and exercise is quite thrilling, I will admit. I feel like I can normally eat. I am not obsessing about clean eating, I am not obsessing about intuitive eating (because, yes I have done that, too). I am just plain not obsessing. I love the fact that on a normal basis I pick healthy foods to eat. But I am also loving the fact that I am eating without the guilt associated with it.
This last week I enjoyed myself. My husband was off and facing facts, there is more food temptations around. We went out to eat twice, we barbequed on the 4th, I drank a Sam Adam's when playing The Walking Dead, I exercised like hell and I had ZERO guilt about any of my food choices. I tracked what I ate and moved on.
It is highly liberating to KNOW that I don't have to be tied down by my eating lifestyle that there is a true moderation point out there for me, too. I am to the point that I am really enjoying it, not resenting it.
I am very focused, probably the most focused I have been in a very long time and I contribute a lot of that to the BLC (which has been amazing in every sense of the word). I feel good like my goals are truly within reach. I am not sure what this week's weigh in will bring. If it is a gain, I will chalk it up to just a bump in the road because really there is no set destination. Having been at my goal weight before, I know there is no just getting off at the station and being done. It really is a lifelong path. I hope to reach my goal that I set for myself for the BLC which would put me at a 5% loss and about 7 pounds away from my goal. I am focused on doing it and reaching it, but doing it int he right way. Not through deprivation.
I guess the reality of it all is this: I am working to beccome my OWN 'after' picture. I am not sure what that means. Facing facts, I don't know if I will ever have that so sought after six pack or thigh gap or whatever seems to be the thing to obtain now. I am just working to be the best version of myself I can be. I won't be perfect. It won't be like the images we all see posted all over spark or Facebook or Pinterest of 'fitspiration' but damn, if I can feel good about my size and fitness ability and being able to eat normally without feeling bound by it, I will consider that my biggest accomplishment!