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STEPHANNE04
1,000-2,499 SparkPoints 1,060
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Day 1

Tuesday, July 09, 2013

So I started off the morning very excited about my change in diet. I had all kinds of fruits and veggies in the fridge, my meal plan all worked out and was ready to go through the day.

And I did do well. I ate only what I was supposed to, drank all my water and did some walking tonight.

But here I am, at the end of the night, mildly depressed. Let me tell y ou why.

I haven't seen a scale in over a year. I've been terrified of them. I knew that it would give me this huge hateful number and I just couldn't face it. When I decided to do this 90 day challenge, I knew I would have to face the scale again. So I gave myself pep talks. I came up with a number that I thought was a good guess. I picked 285. Thats a big number, but I could handle that. I told myself it was okay and that I'm not any less of a person for being this weight. Because I had done all these pep talks, this challenge didn't seem so scary.

But then I got on the scale (a brand new one that my bf went and bought for me while I was at work). The number wasn't 285. It was 309.

309. I weigh 309 pounds.

I have never weighed this much. Not even come close to it. How could I have let myself get this far away from healthy? The last year has been very hard for me.. but I gained EIGHTY pounds?!? What the hell is wrong with me???

These are the thoughts that I am fighting back. I know that I have to restart my pep talk process. But that's ok. I'm not giving up. I will defeat this number.. and I will never see it again.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • v XANADUREALM
    Welcome to Sp .... have you joined some Teams?
    1116 days ago
  • v MSELEANOR1957
    The good thing is you faced the scale... now let it be your friend and eventually it will give you a number that you like. I say you had a awesome day. nothing to be depressed about.... that number is your starting point to a healthier, happier you.

    Good luck!
    1118 days ago
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    Disclaimer: Weight loss results will vary from person to person. No individual result should be seen as a typical result of following the SparkPeople program.
 

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