Tuesday, July 09, 2013
Tonight I burst out sobbing while watching, of all things, Cake Boss. His mother has ALS, a terminal illness. In spite of that I'm envious of her because she's surrounded by a huge, loving family. They showed a big family Easter dinner, and it just made me cry. Sweet side note -- a coworker of mine is a terrific amateur baker. She's entering a contest to win a cake decorating lesson from the Cake Boss. She said that if she wins, she's going to tell them her friend Mary has to come along.
I stayed home from work today, and I'm going to see the doctor tomorrow. I just can't living like this. I realized the other day that I haven't been taking my blood pressure medicine because I'm saving the pills. Sometimes I feel like there's just no way out from under the net that has me trapped. This isn't right.
When I talked to my health plan about weight loss surgery a few years ago, it involved flying to San Diego, about 600 miles south of me. Now that was several years ago, so maybe it's changed. I just couldn't afford the flight, and of course I have absolutely no support system in San Diego. I haven't made a decision yet, but I'm at least going to ask.
I hate being me. I hate this life. I hate being invisible except online.