Tuesday, July 09, 2013
I have a Fat Friend. Of course I am fat too. I met my friend at a large Committee Meeting about 24 years ago. She asked me out for coffee after the meeting and I was flattered---nobody was interested in me or my ideas; nobody ever invited me anywhere and I was overweight. She was overweight too. We had a really nice talk and had coffee---and some sort of dessert confections. We exchanged telephone numbers and she called me shortly thereafter.
"Do you want to go hang out at the Fat Ladies' Store?" she asked. I was a bit flabbergasted. At this point before there was much in the way of mail-order commerce, I had slunk into some of the "plus sized" or "queen sized" stores, furtively, on my own. We got some clothing together and then we went out to eat.
My new friend, Miss B. I will call her, was all about fat-acceptance. I knew little of that movement and could never feel as carefree and insouciant in my body as she did in her body. We started to see each other fairly often---yes, we were friends but it seemed an obligatory part of the friendship that we go out to eat together. She is unmarried and I had a family life and children so she often told me that we really had to go out to eat because while I had a family to go out with, she had nobody.
I think she likes me; I really do. But I think she was looking for a Fat Friend. An Eating Buddy.
I started Sparking seriously about two years ago and I have often asked that we simply go out for coffee and she will get pastry and I will not. When we go out to dinner I try hard to avoid the bread and to order wisely. I have started talking about health and my health concerns.
She has told me that I am "no fun anymore".
We have not had an argument but she has been bugging me to go to a Sunday buffet for months. We've been there in the past--but rarely-- for it's quite costly. $26.00 per person. I asked her if we could go to a regular restaurant. I said "There's just too much to eat" and she said "But isn't that the point?"
"Nor for me" I said.
I could not do it. I just could not each much. The food was middling and lukewarm at best. I had one egg and a couple of pieces of bacon. That's a lot of money! She kept telling me I should go get my money's worth. I told her it was worth it not to overeat.
I felt that she was losing respect for me and I was losing respect for her. It was not easy.
I realize that she wants me primarily as an eating companion. She told me that we didn't have much in common....now that I was so obsessed with not eating.
So it was a friendship built on food. And I told her that I'd be happy to go out with her again but not to a buffet. "I don't think you really appreciate me," she said........