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Time To Let Go

Monday, July 08, 2013

Time to let go. time to see I cant do everything alone. I'm going to be making some calls seeing if I cant see about getting help with my grandma.
I cant handle this alone anymore. Its to hard emotionally and physically especailly with me having fibromyalgia which causes me physical pain and brain fog (AKA memory lapses aka brain farts)

I just cant do it anymore. I love my grandma so much but i cant do this alone anymore....
I can only pray that God shows me the right thing to do here. my heart breaks at the thought of putting her in a nursing home, esp since i promised my mom before she died i wouldn't do that...

I'm only 32 and I've spent years of my life taking care of my grandma and im not complaining bc i love her so much but im not strong enough to do this do i let go without feeling like the biggest jerk in the world.
I've given up so much to help her. I've did everything for her. I've bent over backwards for her but i feel like love isn't enough and her dementia is killing me inside.
i don't know what to do other than to see about getting help for moms passed away and my ant and uncle do not care.
i leave it at gods hands hopefully he will send me the hope and help i need so desperately because i cant do this anymore. i cant take care of me and her both. I've lost so much of who i am doing this.
I forgot how it feels to be young and have fun because im always on edge worried about her getting hurt or whatever. i just cant do it. so im going to pray god helps me.

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    The people here advocating reaching out to her physician, elder services are spot on for this. It is so hard for caregivers, and please do not punish yourself. How long did it take you to even write those words? It is probably past time to get help, so listen to yourself and proactively seek the answers you need. God can give you guidance, but he can't make this decision for you. You have all our prayers and support. This isn't easy, but keeping up what you're doing is going to get worse...for both of you. I wish you good luck and God speed. emoticon
    1710 days ago
    I'm praying for you. emoticon
    1710 days ago
    There is nothing wrong with getting help when you need it!
    1712 days ago
    1712 days ago
    You are a wonderful daughter and wonderful granddaughter, but you must get relief in this situation. Prayers are good, but you also need to take action to find the appropriate care for Grandma ---and for yourself. You do need to know how it feels to be young again, and you need to feel confident in choosing the best care for your grandmother. It was a good suggestion to consult with her doctor about the immediate alternatives available. The important step is to restore your life, and determine what course of care is suitable for your Grandma... Bless you!
    1712 days ago
    I know that my grandmother took care of first her husband who had TB, and then a bunch of years later, she took care of my mother when my mother got terribly weak and then died, and then after that, she took care of her brother. The doctor told her that if she couldn't do it anymore, to call him immediately and he would get her brother a place in a nursing home. She did do that finally.

    There is only so much you can endure, especially since it is only you taking care of her. In a nursing home, there are three shifts of people working to care for the residents. And believe me, those people are glad when their shift ends since it is also wearing on them to put in 8 hours. You are doing 24 hour shifts, back to back. It is not something that you can continue to do.

    Perhaps contact her doctor and ask for advise on how to proceed.
    1712 days ago
    I bet your grandmother knows everything you have done for her (despite her condition) and she wouldnt want you to feel guilty. emoticon
    1712 days ago
    Sending hugs and prayers to ya .. Sounds like your overwhelmed foucus on finding information first, take your time on your descsion on your grandma and take care of yourself too please let me know how your doing later on.
    One step/ hour/ goal at a time.... BIG HUGS to u...
    Dolly emoticon
    1712 days ago
    Sending prayers emoticon emoticon to you...have faith in whatever decision you make. Your header is correct, sometimes love is holding on and sometimes love is letting go. emoticon
    1712 days ago
    You are stronger than you know for seeking help for your gram. You are doing the best thing for her and I'm sure your mom can see that. You are a wonderful daughter and grandaughter.

    I wish you the best!
    1712 days ago
    You're dealing with something that CAN'T be dealt with alone. My whole family tried to take care of my Grandma and couldn't.. The best thing you can do for her and you is to let people who know how to deal with it take care of her. Bless you.
    1712 days ago
    contact you local hospital and ask for some resources.... they have people that they can refer you to to help, or local nursing homes also have resources that you can ask about.... good luck and God bless.
    1712 days ago
  • AMR6665
    You are in my thoughts and prayers...I hope you find the relief you need
    1712 days ago
    emoticon You are in my thoughts and prayers. I hope you make the best and right decision for both of you! emoticon
    1712 days ago
    1712 days ago
  • TIGER_LILY_613
    I'm sorry to hear that you are going through this. I pray you will find a solution that works for both you and your grandma

    emoticon emoticon
    1712 days ago
    My prayers go with you.
    1713 days ago
    Chasity, reading your blog brings up so many emotions I'm really having trouble putting my words together. Just a very few months ago I was right where you are now, right at the point where you KNOW you can't go on this way any longer. The emotions you'll feel are going to be overwhelming, but trust in God, He has already brought to your attention that you shouldn't go it alone any longer and He will continue to show you the way. emoticon
    1713 days ago
  • 3016DEBRA
    emoticon emoticon It's ok. There are organizations to help & then you can visit with her & not feel so guilty. Enjoy the time you have with her!
    1713 days ago
  • WILDKAT781
    1713 days ago
    Caring for elders with dementia takes a physical and emotional toll.

    There are facilities that specialize in dementia care. Please explore them before you or she get hurt.

    While you are searching, call your local senior services agency for referrals and ask about respite care. Health care professionals don't work 24/7 --and you can't either.

    Parents feel guilty leaving kids in daycare and adult kids feel guilty placing parents or grandparents in care facilities. Feel confident that you are trying to find the best place and make the best decision for both of you. It's hard, but you can do it.

    Take care
    emoticon emoticon
    1713 days ago
    You love your grandmother enough to make sure that she receives the best care possible. Loving her enough to let someone else help take care of her is nothing to feel guilty about.
    1713 days ago
    You are a very resourceful person, Chasity. emoticon

    There are two main issues - getting help for her and you dealing with your feelings. Keep both separate until you find the help she needs. Then get support for you too. If it was me, I would work hard on not feeling guilty because I think your mom does understand. I wish you the best and pray for you and your grandma. emoticon
    Love, Chelsea emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1713 days ago
    Praying that God will give you the answer you are looking for.

    I have been a caretaker and know how hard it can be
    1713 days ago
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