Advertisement -- Learn more about ads on this site.
STLSUE01
10,000-14,999 SparkPoints 14,342
SparkPoints
 

Post-Holiday: That's Who I Am

Monday, July 08, 2013

Last week, on the 3rd, I posted about a man who had swept me off my feet last year at this time. We reconnected earlier last week, and all of the feelings and dreams came rushing back -- I even thought "Maybe we can fix this."

But with the feelings and dreams came a lot of internal turmoil.

Yesterday, I did something I didn't think I could/would ever do: I asked him to delete me from his contacts, and last evening I did the same.

I just couldn't do it anymore.

I couldn't get past the hurt he had caused (and I accepted) if I stayed in contact with him, even sporadically. The things I needed to hear from him, that he still loved me and wanted me, were never going to be said. I don't know if he no longer loves me and wants me, or is just incapable of saying it, but in the end, neither matters.

What ultimately matters is that I wasn't happy without him in my life, but I wasn't happy with him in it either. Go figure.

I accept my part in this. There's something about self-punishing and feeling like a martyr that is almost as good as self-medicating with food, but I also don't want to be in a food-induced stupor anymore either. And I didn't eat myself into one last week either, by the way.

Last night I was over at Matt's apartment. We watched NCIS and some wacky shows on Animal Planet. We had Fortel's Pizza, water and a snuggle. It was good.
Share This Post With Others
Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • v DEEEBEE
    It's hard to make decisions...especially when it comes to emotions. You handled it all very well, it seems to me. Best to you!

    DeAnne, Missourians Team
    1050 days ago
  • Add Your Comment to the Blog Post

    Log in to post a comment


    Disclaimer: Weight loss results will vary from person to person. No individual result should be seen as a typical result of following the SparkPeople program.
 

More Blogs by STLSUE01