Before I get to the crying, quick recap on Saturday:
On Saturday I went out with some girlfriends. The organizer made sure to tell her friends that I was eating healthy and they all made a concerted effort to pick a place that serves healthy options at lunch time, which was incredibly sweet and considerate. I got an apple and carrot salad with trout, and they got healthy options too. At dinner time though, they wanted something more substantial. Since it was a situation where we were sharing all the appetizers and splitting the bill, I had a little bit of everything in moderation. The scale went back up by 1lb the next morning, but I'm zen about it. I figure that's part and parcel of the balance I'm trying to acheive, where I eat healthy most of the time and it's okay to have an occasional treat with other people. I'll just keep working out and eating right the rest of the time and I will be fine.
Sunday, was when the crying happened.
The pants I wear to the office are the kind designed to "flatten" the stomach. The clasp used to fit around the biggest part of my tummy. At my highest weight, I couldn't close the clasp, or pull the zip up to the top. I used to wear long shirts to hide the fact that my pants couldn't close. 30lbs later, and the pants don't fit around my stomach anymore. They've slid all the way down to my hips, and they look funny when I walk. So I figured it was time to get 2 new pairs of pants.
Karen, my great-deal-finding, coupon-toting, super sensible, patience-of-a-saint supernova of a friend, agreed to come shopping with me. I haven't gone shopping in a while. As a rule, I tend to shop alone, because I'm afraid that if nothing fits, I'll get bummed, and then my mood might bum other people out or make them uncomfortable. Not Karen though. She's a rock.
We drove to the Citadel Outlet Mall in LA, and went to Ann Taylor where everything was 50% off, and loaded up our hands with pants in sizes 18 and 16. We got to the fitting room with THIRTY TWO items. If that's a record record of some sort, I wouldn't be surprised.
Victory #1: The pants in size 18 were a too big - 2 months ago, I bought a bathing suit, and the only one that fit was the size 18.
Victory #2: Karen figured out that the proper cut for me was the "Curvy Fit Straight Leg cut" in size 16. It's feels great to find out what looks good on you when you've spent a long time thinking you couldn't possibly look good in ANYTHING.
Victory #3: She brought in dress tops. I used to wear XXL, but since the store only had XL, that's what she brought back. The bubbly fitting room assistant Viviana, took a look at some of them and said - "They're too big"
Me: "What ?"
Viviana: "Your tops are too big. There's too much room on the side. You should be wearing size L"
Karen: "I'm on it !"
Viviana was SO right.
Karen and Viviana worked their magic together, eliminating things tops that didn't work, finding accessories and making sure I looked good. Karen even got me to try out an ORANGE bolero jacket. ORANGE !!! "Before you say no", she said, " the sales guy says you should try that with a white camisole and that it will look great". She was right too.
Victory #4: Just when we thought we were done, and doing the final triage of what to keep, Viviana sees me in the final ensemble.
Viviana: "Those pants are too big. What size are they ?"
Me: "Size 16"
Viviana: "They're way too big. I'm going to get you some size 14s"
Me: "Huh ?!"
Viviana: "Trust me. I've been doing this for a long time !"
Viviana brought back a pair of size 14 slacks. I figured, what the heck, let's give it a go. They'll never fit, and she'll see I was right.
First my legs AND thighs got in. Huh. Weird.
And then I started to zip them up...
And the zip came up. All the way to the top.
And the button at the top closed.
And I was comfortable.
And then I looked at myself from head to toe.
And started to FREAK. OUT.
Me: "Holy Sh** ! Holy Sh** ! "
Viviana: "Are you ok ?"
Me: "Holy Sh** !!! "
Karen: "Are you ok ?! "
Yours truly opens the curtains. Beaming
The girls erupt. Hugs happened. Someone does a happy dance.
And THAT'S when I started bawling like a child.
Happy, happy, happy tears.
The moment was priceless.