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    ERINLINDSAY83   112,768
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Need to Vent...

Monday, July 08, 2013

*Warning* This may come across as whiney or full of self-pity....but I just need to vent.

Life has been kicking my butt lately.

We'll start with the surgery. I had surgery 2 weeks ago today to have some of my lady bits removed after over a decade of constant pain. While the surgery and recovery went exceedingly well, it is still a stressful situation. Being off of work. Managing the household (and 1.5 kids) post-op. Etc.

My younger sister had had knee surgery the prior Monday to mine. So while I was preparing for mine, I was at her house taking care of her 3 year old (which is my pleasure, but still an added stressor) and waiting on her hand and foot. (In the midst of my dropping everything to care for her, I found out she had snuck into my purse and stolen more of my prescription meds....a problem we have dealt with before but had been "managed" as of late.

Ok, surgeries aside.... my mother's mental health is quickly deteriorating. She has advanced early onset Alzheimer's. She is 53 and can no longer dress or bathe herself. If I call and ask to talk to her, she doesn't know who I am. (She does a bit better in person, though, remembering I am her daughter, but nothing else about me.) It is absolutely heartbreaking to watch this happen to her. She is so young. The hardest part is that she is terrified...all the time. Unless she is sitting on the couch holding my dad's hand, she is scared out of her mind. She bawls any time he is not around (say for a doctor appointment, while my sister is watching her.)

Moving on.... my older sister was daignosed with Lupus about a year ago. She is steadily getting worse. She has been on every known treatment to the disease and her body will not go into remission. At 5'8", she now weighs a mere 110 (if that...) pounds. She can't eat. The Lupus, which is mainly attacking her kidneys causing her to feel ill all the time, is also attacking her digestive system. She can't eat without it all coming backup or out. (For about 6 weeks she was eating about 100 calories a day....) She had to stop working and is constantly stressed about losing her house. She is always apologizing for canceling plans, though she doesn't understand that we get it. None of us are upset. She has begun talking about letting her body go....not fighting anymore. It breaks my heart.

Surely that has to be it, right? Wrong. My younger sister (who had the knee surgery and drug problem) was recently diagnosed with POTS. If she is laying down her heart rate is normal, but upon standing it shoots to about 180+. Not healthy and painful. But, the dangerous part is that, at random, her heart rate will drop into the 30s. She'll just feel sick and have to go to the ER and get a shot to jack her heart rate up. She was told she needs a pacemaker, but at the age of 27, several doctors have been reluctant to do the procedure.

Now, with all my health issues...I am the "healthy" one in my family. I also work in health care. For these reasons, whenever anyone is having a problem, needs help, or needs a ride to the hospital....I am who they call. I am happy to help, but it does wear on a person. The constant stress of my family's health is exhausting.

But let's just add some more stress, eh? After 5 1/2 WONDERFUL years at the home I LOVE, we are being kicked out. We've lived in a beautiful side by side (duplex) out in the country, on 13 acres, with crazy cheap rent, 2 car garage, hughe bedroom, huge kitchen, walk in closet, apple and pear trees, etc etc etc. I wanted to live here forever. We were told last week that since the owners had yet another kid, they were going to turn it into a single family home. I understand, I really do, but it is hard. I bawled the whole day I found out. So now we need to find a new place to live (for cheap since my med bills are sky high) and move and all the stress associated with that.

I don't like to complain because my life is wonderful. I am so blessed in so many amazing ways.... but sometimes a gal just needs to vent. I am happy despite the stress, but definitely leaning on the strength of God and those around me for emotional support.

Thanks for taking the time to endure my whiney vent, lol.

Member Comments About This Blog Post:
LIVELYGIRL2 7/11/2013 6:58PM

  Oh my gosh!!!!!

I can only say.... please find some dear loved friends or family, that don't have these big issues, so you can get your emotional and physical batteries charged, PLEASE.

Honestly( and obviously I don't know you much), but try and find a slot of time, either once a day, or once week, to do something just for yourself that you love and enjoy. I hate to see you get buried in heartache and needs.

That doesn't mean you can't help people, just you have to take care of yourself, so you don't run into the ground, or get excessive depression and anxiety.

Let God minister to you.... and climb into His lap. emoticon emoticon

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PATTYKLAVER 7/9/2013 8:54AM

    Oh, man! I'm so sorry you are going through so much. I am sending prayers your way.

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NOTBLUSHING 7/9/2013 8:52AM

    Erin I am so sorry for all your troubles. You are such an inspiration to still be able to focus on the positive, and all the blessings in your life. Many hugs to you sweetie. Stay strong!

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MANDIETERRIER1 7/8/2013 9:25PM

    Sorry for all that you are going through.

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PHEBESS 7/8/2013 7:46PM

    Wow, that's a lot going on!!! And yes, you are being the rock for everyone, but you also need to take care of yourself, especially post surgery.

Call a bunch of friends and ask who knows of a place to rent. Heck, call them to come have a packing or moving party! Ask your friends to help you with YOUR stuff, so you can continue to help your family with everything else.

And, well, we're all here for you when you need to vent.

Lots of hugs, sweetie!!!!!!

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MAMAJAHMAI 7/8/2013 12:24PM

    2nd Cor 4:8......

You are a warrior Erin....The devil has tried to take your family out many, many, many, times, but it has failed, and will continue failing miserably. I pray that this house move signifies better and bigger and brighter things, as you hold onto that grip of Grace.

You KNOW that I am so 'freakin' proud of you. You are a ride or die chick who is strong , gorgeous and hardcore. The devil is so stupid to mess with you and your family. You rock GF!! HANG in there ((((((hugs))))))))

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SPARKCHANTAL 7/8/2013 12:05PM

    jeeeezuz. I know the feeling when the sky seems to be falling on your head and there's nowhere to hide.

the only thing that really calms my inners is a video on youtube of qigong master mingtong, in which he talks about qigong and inner happiness. he says basically it's a choice you make yourself, regardless of what goes on around you.

all the best

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