Monday, July 08, 2013
So after two bad weekends with both overeating in social settings and closet binging, I finally got my eating monster wrestled back in its cage. This weekend was frustrating for other reasons than normal little weekend vacations, it wasn't an overabundance of food avaible that was the problem, it's that there wasn't any available and what was, wasn't healthy.
I visited my friends back in college for a fun 4th of July weekend and if I had to sum up their eating habits it would be: skip breakfast: eat some chips for lunch: then maybe a sandwhich or fast food for dinner. Do this for 2-3 days, then order some cheap pizza deal and eat everything. Weekly, I bet their calories come out pretty close to even, but I just felt like crap trying to deal with that and having no transportation to go out for something. I mean, "dinner" for me one night was oatmeal with a scoop of protein powder because that was all they had around, and I didn't feel like eating ramen with a chopped up hotdog. Their idea of a nice cooked meal (They were actually proud of this) was 1lb of pasta with a bottle of cream, butter/vegetable oil sauted onion, and 6 oz of lunch meat spread out over 4 people for the sauce. So basically tons of white carbs, way too much fat, and virtually no protein.
Weirdest thing was, I never once felt that stomach rumbling hunger, even tho I certainly wasn't eating enough. I just felt my energy absolutely gone during the day. I can't believe I used to feel like that all the time. I always used to attribute that to lack of sleep, but now I realise it was 90% proper nutrition.
Then, there were nights we'd come back from the bar and I would actually be hungry and minorly frustrated because I wasn't able to see a bunch of people I wanted. This would have normally been an absolute trigger for my binging and the crap around the house would have been exactly what I'd go for. There was even ice cream in the freezer.
I succeeded tho in just reminding myself of how frustrated I was about my last two weekends and needed to break the cycle NOW, I was able too. Except for the night camping on the beach (which was the only night I actually got a bit drunk, another win) where I had an extra s'more and munched quite a bit on the materials for those delicious bad boys, I didn't really overeat anything. Why was I the one with the supplies on my lap to put the graham cracker and reese's on everyone's marshmallow? haha.
I did graze ever so slightly on stuff. I still need to break that habit, but I get stupid around food I don't normally eat and it's like I want to try it to see if I would like buying it and having it around, even tho I know it's far to sugary for me to actually eat on my own. Stuff like the dark chocolate blueberries I would actually buy I think, they were so good. But why do I feel the need to grab a single, even small, handful of oven fries, potato chips, chewy bars, cheeze its, ect.
But that's a minor thing to work on, and I think having the weekend be so tough made it possible for me to actually not binge. I was rewarded this morning by having my weight down 5 pounds from when I left last Thurs, and only a pound up from where I was before my double binge weekends. Although with the under eating and unhealthy food at that, I definitely noticed a bit of a backslide in the weight room this morning.
Now I'm going to be perfect this week and absolutely love it. Water park this weekend and maybe I'll even like the way I look in the pictures. Not in as good of shape as I've been, but I at least think I lost the bloat finally. Gonna be shallow and do some actual ab exercises this week *hangs head in joking shame