Last night I was trying to unwind after a very hectic and stressful day with my mom. Her car broke down and my dear friend's car had also the day before. After having already made plans to help my friend get some errands done my mom called and demanded she get my help first. Me being the typical Libra I am, I tried to offer to take them both to do their errands together...my friend not liking my mom resorted to asking me to please quickly help my mom first then take her grocery shopping after. It was then my friend realized as I was venting about my mom with her we both needed to just go out and chill. LOL. She needed to vent about her man so in a way we were perfect company for one another!
Our mutual friends are closer to her age-20's and I'm older by 10 years so the going out and drinking plan has long since appealed to me, plus to be honest if I'm going to use extra calories, it's gonna be on something better than alcohol
, anyway my friend is 8 months pregnant so the mutual friends leave her out of all the fun since she can't drink, so she's been spending more time with me since I live closer and the hubs is away and I take her with me where ever, and try not to treat her different since she's pregnant. Anyway, after her grocery shopping I offered to take her for a bite to eat, everything she suggested was fast food, and I don't fair well with fast food being a vegetarian and trying to eat healthy. So I mentioned both of us needing to just sit somewhere and talk so we ended up at pub near our houses that both of us had yet to try. She was happy I offered to take her somewhere with alcohol (even though she wasn't drinking) and I found something that wasn't as bad as fast food it was a win win. So as we're ordering and I hadn't eaten all day dealing with my mom the fried food was truly screaming at me not just calling my name LOL. I looked down at my fitbit and saw I was already at 15k steps for the day...and I had put in extra time at the gym this week with my 5k training. So I decided to spurge, now for me usually I spurge pretty big, and if the hubs is not around I get my lil meat fix LOL. I was planning in my mind my wonderful bad food binge as I looked over the menu. But something was holding me back, I was already giving myself the mental ok to have whatever I wanted but I just couldn't. So instead of fried chicken fingers, or some other binge favorite I decided to try to at least be a bit more sensible. No meat...that was something I was going to stick to, after all I had gone veggie for animal cruelty reasons first and foremost. So then I started looking at the menu for everything sans meat. I luckily found a salad. And since it was still meant to be a splurge I ordered ranch dressing with it. I could actually hear that lil voice in my head questioning me "what are you doing get the fried chicken and a burger, not a salad! No one will know you ate the meat!" But I would know and in the end it mattered more to me. So I ordered my small garden salad with ranch and then split an order of French fries with my friend. Still a huge splurge in my diet, I can't even remember the last time I ate fries, it's probably been months. And in my mind I felt better they weren't fast food fries, if that makes any sense. Yes they were the huge steak fries and were fried, just as many calories if not more than fast food fries, but I was taking into consideration what else I was getting with these fries that I don't at a fast food place. I was getting to sit in a new atmosphere with my friend and enjoy eating them and talking with her, in a relaxed manner, no fast food dining area could have given that. And to squash the lil voice in my head, in lieu of the fried meat whatever I ordered a glass of blue moon beer. So in my mind this ultimate decision was the better one. I had won over myself, I after giving myself the green light to eat whatever I didn't.
Now most of you are probably reading this and thinking now c'mon Jenn you ate the ranch dressing and the fries, hardly healthy eating. And my reply to that is I know it isn't as healthy as I usually am, but I'm NOT on a diet. I didn't lose 80# on a diet this last year, I lost eat changing my eating habits and behaviors. This is a mindset I truly am proud of and I know is what keeps me from regaining the major weight when I do let my eating guard down. I'm aware those fries and that dressing still went right to my butt. But, I also know that I had worked that same butt off the night before and all day, I earned the extra calories before I sat down at that table. What I'm most proud of is I won against myself, which to me shows that the changes I have been working so hard to make this last year and years prior are finally in place for good. I kept to my vegetarian lifestyle with my food choices, and still rewarded myself, albeit with food, something I hardly ever do. And in exchange I got to enjoy the ranch on my salad and the fries even more since I was having a great chat and quality time with my friend.
It was while I was truly enjoying my food that this revelation really hit me. It wasn't all about the food, and to be honest it never really was for me. I gained my weight from laziness and the side effects of prescription meds. But what I had truly accomplished was still being relatively sensible in all food situations and then truly enjoy my decisions while enjoying a social situation. This is something I had yet to do in my lifestyle revamp. Yes I had been in social situations, but in the past I either avoid all food and end up trying to hide how I feel sad that everyone else is eating everything and not caring while I smile and sip my drink slowly, or I just throw caution to the wind and eat whatever I grab and then neither really enjoy the food I'm eating or the people with me because I'm too busy thinking how hard I'm going to have to work to make up for my weak choices.
I went home and slept well that night, NOT worried about trying to make up for the slip up. In my mind this hadn't been a slip up at all. And it was that exact feeling that was my "cake" dear sparkfriends.