Saturday, July 06, 2013
I have to say that even though it's technically far from over, this has been the best summer I have had probably in about 7 years. There are many reasons for that but I think it's because I'm happy. Even though I have tons of things to get done, I'm starting to see that those aren't always important. They can wait, they will still be there tomorrow.
There are different time markers for me. One of them I just passed on July 4th of it being a full year since I had stood up for myself and kicked my ex out. I'm truly amazed at how once I was no longer concerned with finding somone and wanted to put me first they just kinda fell in my lap. I love that regardless of me gaining some weight over my vacation that I'm still lighter and smaller than I was last summer. I am also confident those pounds are going to come off rather painlessly just because what I ate on vacation is not my normal routine.
Where I am at this year, I never guessed last year that this is where I would be. I remember thinking about how I couldn't dream just yet. All I could focus was on the "right now" and just getting through day by day. I remember how my walks everyday led me lots of roads to explore. I have no idea where I'm going to be next year. I won't be living in Wisconsin anymore. I hope that Joe and I are living together in our own place. He's following me when I get stationed at a base. We've even talked about getting married. And honestly I thought that might scare the crap out of me, and it does to an extent but only because of what I've been through and not anything to do with him. He's my best friend.
All I know is that I'm almost always smiling, if I'm crying it's because I probably managed to hurt myself doing something stupid :P
So for the now...
Monday starts a whole new program for me. Weigh in's at the gym which will initial make my weight go up just because I'll be weighing myself later in the day instead of first thing in the morning and it's on one of those doctor scales. I'm also going to take a tape measure with me and store it in my locker so I can do a weigh in and measurements every monday. I've started back on my frozen dinner diet for now... I definitely end up protein deficient by the end of the day with those, so I need to really pay attention to my snacks. I'm really looking forward to getting back into a work out routine.
So for the "tomorrow" of things...
I leave in 2 1/2 months for basic. Between RTC and "A" School I'm hoping to get some self confidence and self worth out of it. I'm hoping that the distance from the memories of this place and people will help heal the wounds that have been inflicted over the years. I know graduating RTC, I won't be the same person as I went in. I'm curious and excited to see who that person will look like. I know it'll still be "me" but I'll be different.
It's funny I feel like I've grown younger over the last year. And I truly feel like this summer has been a complete do-over. Like this is the summer I was supposed to have after graduating high school but never got to. I'm no longer fueled by anger, or resentment... I'm fueled by love.